With an exchanged look, it’s clear that neither of us believes a word he says. “What’s your name?”
With a sad smile, he turns to me. “You’re asking me that now, after almost a year? Sebastian. My name is Sebastian.” Then he’s gone.
Ben, our security guard, looks questioningly in our direction and I signal to him to keep an eye on Sebastian while he’s here in the club. That’s all I can do.
“You were never really available, huh?”
I shrug innocently, turn around, and do what I’m actually paid to do here.
***
“Where are we going today?” Impatiently I tug at David’s hand as we leave the club.
“Can you still walk, or are you too tired?”
“No, I’m fine.” He stops for a moment and looks me up and down, then hangs his head. I don’t understand what it means. For a moment, I had the feeling he was thinking about taking my hand, but I don’t question him.
We fall into a brisk pace and after a short time we are standing in front of the castle. Does he want to go to the castle gardens with me? Joggers usually gather there in the morning. So far, we’ve been to rather remote places. Or places that are remote until eight in the morning. But Davidsurprises me when he doesn’t turn right behind the castle, but left, and then walks across the lawn toward a cluster of trees. Now I’m curious.
And very surprised when a wide open space appears behind the trees. In the middle are five tall columns with water running down. I thought I knew every corner of the castle gardens, but obviously I was wrong.
“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” Tentatively, he puts his arms around me from behind and rests his head on my shoulder.
“Really beautiful. How did you find this place?”
“Google Maps. No idea why no one ever comes here, probably too far off the beaten tracks.” David is so close, so damn close. I feel his breath on my cheek, warm and steady. I feel his heartbeat against my back, a little faster than normal. He’s nervous, but he’s here with me. I lean my head to the right till we touch. My right hand finds its place on David’s other cheek blindly, his skin as soft as I remembered it. I miss him. No one feels like him.
Chapter 41
Louis
24 years
“Where are we going?”
David has blindfolded me, and I have no idea which direction we’re heading.
“If I told you, it would ruin the surprise.”
I snort, pretending to be frustrated, and he laughs next to me. Somehow, I’ve completely lost track of time during the drive. Theoretically, he could have kidnapped me. But is it really kidnapping if you come along voluntarily?
The car comes to a stop and I’m excited, finally wanting to know where I am. David slowly leads me down a gravel path,followed by some kind of paving stones. Then he places my hands on a balustrade, and I can feel the rough stone surface under my fingertips.
“Ready?”
“Ready.”
“Good morning, Lou.” And with these words, he removes the blindfold from my eyes.
“Oh, wow! Amazing!” Of course, I know the Turmberg from below, looking up at it from the city. The old stone tower on the hill in the eastern part of Karlsruhe is impossible to miss. Behind us, the sun rises and bathes the houses in front of us in a magical orange-red light. “I’ve never been up here before. The view is incredible. Thank you for bringing me here.”
Behind us, the old tower rises up, and I turn around to take a closer look at it. Old, brown bricks and dark green ivy—what a beautiful play of colors. A vine stretches across the wall right in front of me. Small roots that are irreversibly attached to the stone. Of course, you could tear the vine off, but not without causing damage to both.
I turn to David, who is still standing behind me, to the man I have been so closely connected with for so many years. I am the wall; David is my ivy. He holds me tight and won’t let me go. No matter what happens. There is no turning back, we both know that. There is no life in which we can exist without each other. The realization hits me hard, so much harder than I am willing to admit. I want to beg him not to break my heart, not again. But now, in this moment, I know that he will anyway. Not intentionally, not to hurt me, but because his fear is so big that he can’t overcome it. No matter how much he wants to, he can’t.
No touching, not like last week in the shelter of the trees and seclusion. He keeps looking around nervously, standing next tome, as he has so often the last weeks. So close but never close enough. I feel his hip bone against mine. Just like before, and yet so different, so damn new.
Somehow exciting, because my heart doesn’t want to accept what my mind has already figured out. I feel his gaze on my cheek while my eyes search for something on the horizon. I don’t know what. Anything, as long as I don’t have to look at him, because if I turn my head now, I can’t guarantee anything. I don’t want to do anything stupid. David’s pinky touches mine. That happened before, but today the tension is somehow different. What is he up to?
