“I’m being picked up soon,” I lied. Not my only lie this lateafternoon. And not the biggest lie I’ve ever told anyone. My biggest lie was directed at myself when I convinced myself three and a half years ago that I could live without Louis. The“I can do this”still stuck in my throat, and the“time heals all wounds”is taking my breath away.
“I love you, Lou. Merry Christmas.” My only truth today.
Part 2
Chapter 26
David
25 years
The bar is packed. I can’t remember so many people ever being here, but then again, I haven’t been here in a few years. Five and a half, to be exact, and yes, that was a conscious decision.
I’ve never been here alone, always with... Fuck. An invisible hand grabs my heart and squeezes it. Still. Will this ever stop? I look at my watch and hope Finn will at least be somewhat on time.
How many times have we sat here waiting for my best friend? How many times has his thigh touched mine under the... What thehell am I doing here? I can still feel it, still feel him. My head sinks onto the tabletop.
“Hey, asshole!” I hear someone shouting, but it’s not Finn’s voice so I ignore it. “Hey! Do you think you’re better than us? Why are you ignoring us?”
I lift my head in annoyance and fuck; I would recognize those golden blond curls anywhere. “Jannis.”
But it’s not Jannis who replies. Of course not. Jannis never talked to me, so it would’ve been a surprise if that had suddenly changed. A tall teenager with dark curls and bright blue eyes answers me. His height makes him look older, but if you asked me, I’d say he’s sixteen max.
“So you’re David.” His tone is provocative, and I wonder if he’s been drinking. Jannis is still looking at me with those piercing cat eyes.
“Yup. And you are?”
“I’m Luca. We’re brothers.” Obviously another foster child of the Delfosse family, as the two couldn’t be more different. Golden blond to jet black, amber to sapphire, but both with deep wrinkles on their foreheads.
“This is really the ex?” Luca asks dismissively, and Jannis nods once silently. “Ah, we don’t like him, do we?” The answer is a vehement shake of the head. Then Jannis beckons Luca over and whispers something in his ear.
“He wants me to ask you what you’re doing here. We haven’t seen you in ages.”
“I’m on semester break and I’m meeting up with old friends.” At least, that’s the plan. It wasn’t my idea, but Finn and I were invited, and we thought it would be nice to go. I thought I could pull it off after so many years. What a mistake.
“Oh, is my brother here too? You’re old friends, aren’t you?” The question hits me like a knife, rams it deeper intomy chest and twists it around.
“Oh wait, no, that’s right, there was something.” Luca dramatically slaps his hand to his forehead. “Wait a minute, I’m trying to remember, obviously I wasn’t in the family at the time. I was still in the group home back then, you know?” Wow. I always admired Louis’s fathers for taking in children who had been through terrible things. And Luca couldn’t have been young when he joined the family.
“You broke up with him, out of the blue, for no reason, after almost two years of being together. You begged Louis to leave you alone. Is that right, or have I forgotten something?”
Shit, hearing it like that somehow makes it sound worse than it felt at the time. Okay, not worse, because it was bad, really bad. It’s still bad. But shabbier... Fuck.
My chest burns and I desperately try to swallow the lump in my throat.
“Are you still in the closet?”
“I...” My first impulse is to sayI’m not gay, but that would be a lie and a stupid one at that, because the two guys in front of me just know better. Jannis whispers in Luca’s ear again.
“He told me to tell you not to lie to us. Jannis saw you together. You can tell your bullshit to a lot of people, but spare us.” Damn, these two together are... I feel like I’m being cross-examined and I don’t like it, but I just lower my head and nod dejectedly.
“Was that the first time in his life he’s been honest?” Jannis shrugs meaningfully. “Aww, I’m so proud of you!”
When a sixteen-year-old pats you on the back, you know you’ve really hit rock bottom. Can I sink any lower?
“Are you planning on changing that?”
“How old are you, anyway?”
