A whimper escapes from his lips and I thrust, turning it into a deep moan. A grin spreads across David’s previously serious and tense face. With each thrust, it gets bigger and his cheeks get redder.
I take my time, penetrating him hard and deep in an agonizingly slow rhythm. This is self-protection too, because I know if I hammered into him the way we’d both like, this would be over too quickly today.
“May I?” David always asks my permission to touch himself, to come. Today, I grab his cock, and my touch alone is enough for him and cum spurts in thick white ropes across his stomach. His head falls back, his inner muscles grip my cock, holding it like a vice and pumping my own seed deep into him.
David’s sounds are from another planet, high-pitched and urgent, but with a gentleness... I want to take him in my arms, tell him that everything is fine, that it’s okay to let yourself go like this. We breathe deeply, coming down from a high, which no drug in the world could ever give us, holding each other and never letting go.
Chapter 19
David
19 years
“David?” My father. Damn.
“Yes?”
“My office. Now.”
That tone is never good. I frantically try to think of what I could’ve done wrong, but I come up empty. Cautiously I knock on his door and step into the large room with its old heavy furniture. It’s dark wood, probably walnut or something. I hate this room. Even at nineteen, I feel like I did when I was five, when we accidentally broke the kitchen window. “You wanted to see me?”
“Can youtell me anything about this?” His tone is neutral, as is his gaze. I hate it when I can’t read him. My gaze falls on his desk and my heart sinks into my pants. Fuck. How could this happen? We were so careful. We... shit, what do I do? I... He can’t know. Never!
I can’t breathe, my chest feels tight. The room around me blurs. I can’t see anything except the two photos on my father’s desk. They’re harmless—we’re not kissing or touching. We’re sitting next to each other. The pictures are innocuous, as long as you don’t take a look into our eyes. Louis looks at me, his big, dark brown orbs shining as he catches and holds my gaze. So much warmth and so much love fill the space between us, the space we were never allowed to share in public. But apparently we did anyways, and our love cannot be hidden.
“What do you want to know? That’s Louis.” I try to keep my voice light, but I can barely swallow the lump in my throat.
“That’s the Delfosse boy, right?”
I nod quickly. “We play handball together. That’s at Finn’s party.”
“So you’re friends? Or more than that? With the way you’re looking at each other...” My father’s tone is dismissive. Harsh, and the only emotion I perceive is contempt.
“No, absolutely not! Just friends! I swear, honestly.” With every word, a knife digs a little deeper into my chest. Lying has never hurt so much. I wanted to come out. What the hell am I doing here?
“Maybe you should stay away from that boy for now then, so no one draws the wrong conclusions.” Wait, what? No! No, I can’t do that. I love Louis. I want to shout it out loud to the world, straight to my father’s face, but my lungs are empty. I can’t breathe to say one single word, and my panic betraysmy heart as I nod silently.
As if someone flipped a switch, my world goes dark. I don’t know how I found my way to my room, but I let myself fall onto my bed and bury my face in my pillow. No one hears my screams, no one hears me cry, at least no one comes to check on me. I am alone. Just like I was before Louis. I thought I would never have to be so alone again, I was so sure that we could make it work. But I was wrong. My father loves his damn prejudices more than he loves me. Appearances are more important to him than my happiness. Knowing that hurts even more than I could’ve ever imagined.
I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I’m lying in bed with my clothes on and it’s dark outside. My phone is vibrating on the nightstand, which is probably what woke me up. I reach for it and for a short moment my heart beats faster when I see the name on the display. Louis Delfosse.
An involuntary smile spreads across my face, then reality hits me like a freight train. I can’t answer the call. What am I supposed to say to him? I can’t break up with him on the phone, but I can’t pretend that everything is fine either.
My voicemail interrupts the ringing, and I see that he’s already sent me three messages. At that moment, the fourth one is coming in.
“Hey! Is everything okay with you? You’re not answering your phone, and I’m starting to get really worried.”
Okay? Nothing is okay. And nothing will ever be okay again. Nothing at all.
Chapter 20
Louis
18 years
Why isn’t he answering? He should be home by now. David always texts me to say good night. It’s been our thing since we’ve been together. Why not today? Did something happen?
My thoughts are racing and now they’re going in directions that scare the shit out of me. What if he had an accident and is lying in a ditch somewhere? It could happen, right? It’s not a completely crazy idea. It’s normal to worry when you love someone.
