"Apparently that's obvious." I've never discussed my sexuality here before, it's never been necessary, but it looks like at least Joshua has put one and one together.
"Then why aren't you together? Everyone here can see that he’s into you, the way he’s always looking at you."
"Is that so?" I try to keep my tone playful, but it's actually a serious question, because since my ex, I no longer have confidence in my judgement.
"Hell yes! And you? You’re into him too?" My heart screams yes, except that it feels like so much more than just having a crush on him. There's so much intimacy between us, so much trust. Not physically, but emotionally. But I can't put it into words, so I just grin sheepishly and shrug my shoulders.
"Then why the hell aren't you together? You'd be so hot together!"
I can see in the corner of my eye that Nika is watching us. She's waiting for my answer, but she's also ready to jump in when she realizes I'm feeling cornered. Her gaze is highly focused.
"It's complicated... But, maybe one day..." I look around cautiously and wait for reactions, but nothing happens. Joshua smiles. "Then I'll keep my fingers crossed. Have fun tonight."And with those words, he swings his bag over his shoulder, waves once to the crowd and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" Nika looks at me triumphantly as we walk to her car together.
"What do you mean?"
"Did anyone even remotely care that you like men?" No, they didn't, but now that I know my crew a bit, I wouldn't have guessed it from anyone. I take a deep breath and put my arm around my best friend in the world as we walk to the car.
***
"Are you okay?" Adrien just nods quickly. "Really? You seem kind of nervous."
"No, it's fine, it's nothing."
"Don't tell me that bullshit. I know you a bit by now. What's going on?"
"Nothing, it's all fine. I'm fine."
Adrien rubs his hands dry on his thighs almost continuously - you can't sweat that much. Self-doubt overwhelms me.
"If I've done something wrong..."
"What? No! No way! It's not you... I... there are so many people in here..."
Chapter 32
Adrien
That was an absolutely horrible idea. The woman at the table straight ahead stared at us for what felt like an eternity and now she's whispering to the friend sitting opposite her. Fantastic. Every single person of the group behind us has turned around at least once and we're not even sitting at our table yet. Philipp also senses that something is wrong with me. He's already asked twice.
The waiter brings us the menu and smiles knowingly as he lights the candle on the table. "I think we need a bit of a romantic atmosphere, right?"
Philipp looks at me questioningly and then nods. "Thank you." I search for the hidden accusation in his question, but I can't find it. Like not at all.
My hands are tingling. I nervously rub my palms over my thighs again and again. Philipp is asking again and again if everything is okay.
"If I've done something wrong...?" Excuse me? No! His voice is uncertain and weak. Shit, I didn't want that.
"What? No! No way! It's not you... I... there are so many people in here..."
The question marks behind Philipp's eyes get bigger. He tries to comprehend, but then asks. "What do you mean?"
"Everybody here is looking at us and whispering about us."
"First of all, I don't believe that and I haven't noticed it and second, why are you so sure they're talking badly about us?"
Does he not want to understand me or does he really not see it? "Because we're two men."
