Élias laughs with me and I feel like I might have found a new friend.
"What are you listening to?" I point at his earbuds, which are still blasting music... loudly. It sounds hard and I like hard. Makes Élias even more likeable.
"Dead by April, my girlfriend's favorite band."
"Excuse me?"
Élias laughs at the look of disbelief on my face. "Don’t look so surprised – Nika loves their music."
"Sorry, I just don't know many girls who listen to that."
"Nika is special." There is so much love in his words as his eyes light up. There's no mistaking what she means to him. My heart stings a little. I thought I'd found that too... and now I'm here. Alone.
"Are you from Paris or did you just study there?"
"I grew up in Paris and I never really wanted to leave... until I had no other choice. By the time it was set that I... couldn’t stay, the deadline for transferring had already passed and I could only put myself on the list of applicants for some universities as a latecomer."
"Oh, that's crap! Where would you have preferred to end up?" Élias's voice sounds genuinely interested and compassionate and it's good to talk to someone again after such a long time. It’s great not to have to deal with snide looks or people keeping a noticeable distance.
"I don't know, honestly... but maybe more in the south? But Strasbourg is totally fine." Definitely far enough from home as it’s a five-hour car ride. Okay, only two hours by TGV, but I try to ignore that fact.
Élias nods in agreement. "I can understand that very well. Have you had a chance to settle in yet?"
I think about how I can answer this question honestly without looking like a loser, but I fail. I hang my head as I shake it. "Not really... and I've been here since mid-August. But it's so difficult to strike up a conversation with anyone here. I don't know, I never had that problem back home."
Élias looks at me questioningly. "You're not seriously telling me thatyouhaven’t struck up a conversation with anyone. Every girl on this campus is hot for you! If you ask me, they just don't dare approachyou."
I laugh really hard at that. "That's the best joke I've heard in a long time! I mean, aside from the fact that girls aren’t really my thing, why wouldn't they approach me?"
Shit... I can stop myself from covering my mouth out of reflex in the last possible second. Did Élias understand what I meant by that? Did he understand what I let slip out? That I like boys? Fuck... I finally meet a nice person here who I get on well with and then I fuck it up. I look nervously at Élias, but he just laughs.
"I don't know, honestly. But I spent my entire youth watching boys getting it on with girls and vice versa. Never me, of course, but whatever. The fact is you could have 90% of the girls here without trying.” He grins at me before continuing. “Shall we go for a drink later? Nika and I discovered a cool little bar. Relaxed people and good music, and delicious sandwiches!"
I've been spending every evening at home alone for four weeks now, I'd love to get out. But I don't feel like third-wheeling all night while he's snogging his girlfriend. "Will I get to meet your girlfriend then?"
"Sorry to disappoint you. Nika has practice, so you'll have to make do with me."
"I can manage that, barely, but yeah."
Chapter 3
Philipp
Manga - Shaun Taylor McManus
"Hey, is there any chance I can stay after practice for a bit and dance on my own? The new combination is not an issue, I can keep up with it, but I still have so much catching up to do on the old routines."
Joshua looks at me in surprise. "You're practicing the old routines? Why?"
"I thought, now that Marius is gone... and you don't always dance the same routines, and the current one isn't finished yet. I found videos of three older choreos online and tried a bit at home, but I need more space. But maybe I’m still too bad to be at competitions anyway..."
Joshua raises his hands defensively. "Stop! You've been dancing with us for four weeks now and you’re already insanely good! Why did you take such a long break? It's unbelievable,” he replies. “And yes, it would be cool if you could maybe do two more of the old choreos. You can stay as long as you want, but please turn everything off and put up the zipper on the door so that it locks. You could ask Nika if she’d like to practice the partner parts with you a few times. Just to coordinate."
It's not a bad idea and Nika might be able to help me with the parts I didn't understand from the videos alone. But not today, today I have other plans, today I'm just dancing for myself.
I wait until Joshua is out, he's always the last one, then I connect my phone to the sound system and choose one of my absolute favorite songs to dance to. "Manga" by Shaun TaylorMcManus. A melancholy piano melody, flowing and soft and yet loud and powerful. Sad, painful, a little desperate, so simple and so expressive.
My body starts to move to the music, all by itself. I don't have a set choreography for this song, and I never will. It's different every time, depending on how I’m feeling. That's what I love most about dancing. The moves come out of me, it lets out everything that's hiding inside me.
