Adrien says nothing, his hands reach into my curls gently and carefully massage my scalp. Goose bumps run all over my body and a shiver runs down my spine, but he doesn't let go. My bodyis enjoying this and at the same time my mind is waiting for Adrien to grab my hair hard and pull my head back.
"STOP BLUBBERING, DON'T BE A GIRL! DO I HAVE TO SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN?"
But nothing happens. He’s just standing here, with my head on his chest and his hands in my hair.
By now I'm sure the last gin and tonic was bad, because without my consent, my hands move to Adrien's hips. What the hell am I doing? I'm not allowed to touch, never, not like this.
"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE? IF YOU WANT TO TOUCH ME, TAKE MY COCK AND JERK ME OFF!"
No, I don't want that, no way, I... I hear a soft whimper, followed by a short sniffle, Adrien's chest trembles. Only very slightly. He's crying.
Chapter 28
Adrien
The tears run of their own accord. I can't stop them. And I don't want to either. I've waited so long for Philipp to show me that he cares about me. That we have a chance. His eyes have said so much, so much he can't verbalize at the moment, but it's there. He feels it, just like I do.
Everything was always so easy with my ex, at least until he lashed out at me in front of about 150 people, as if I had come on to him and was harassing him. But until then... I can't remember any problems. Nothing is simple with Philipp, nothing is easy. And yet, from the very beginning, everything in me was fighting against giving up on this man. Now, in this moment, I'm so grateful I’ve been listening to my intuition rather than my mind. And to Élias and Nika.
I let my head sink onto Philipp's. My nose and mouth touch his curls, and I give him a gentle kiss on the top of his head.
He holds his breath for a brief moment, his muscles tense as if he is waiting for something. Then the tension falls away and his shoulders relax. I’d love to look into that pretty head of his. He is afraid. But of what? And why?
"Talk to each other," Nika said. Not today, after drinking all night. I know she's right, but for today we've come so much further than I ever thought possible, the big talk can wait.
***
"Put on something warm. Really warm!" I don't reallyunderstand what Philipp is trying to tell me, but I do it anyway. "Long underpants too or tights or something like that!"
Excuse me? What's he up to? Yes, it's cold today. But I've already been out to the bakery, and I haven't needed long johns. Nevertheless, I do as he says and rummage in the furthest corner of my closet for my skiing underwear. They are the opposite of sexy, but to be honest, I don't think we need sexy today.
Philipp and I are meeting at the main station in Strasbourg, but I’m just picking him up and then we'll drive somewhere. Oh, and I'm supposed to bring an empty backpack. That's all I know.
Philipp's hair should be banned. I can see him standing next to the main entrance from a distance. He has a backpack on his back and a basket in the crook of his left arm. With his right hand, he's constantly fighting a wild strand of hair that doesn't want to stay where he wants it to and it's so incredibly cute that I can't help but smile.
I pull over and let Philipp get in. He stows his stuff in the trunk, then hops in onto the passenger seat.
"Hey! Good to see you. Thanks for picking me up." He's a little pink under his freckles, but there's no reason for it.
"No problem, I’m happy to." Philipp doesn't have a car and, to be honest, he doesn't need one, and neither does Élias. Nika and I both have one and one of us is always driving anyway. Philipp looks at me shyly, a slightly insecure smile playing around his lips.
"Where do we have to go?"
He flinches in surprise. "Oh, yes! We need to get back on the German side, but not via Kehl, over the Pierre-Pflimmdingsda Bridge. From there, I'll tell you the exact route."
***
Twenty-five minutes later, we are standing in front of awooden bridge that leads over a small icy stream. Our backpacks are packed with snacks, blankets, mugs and a thermos flask.
I'm beginning to understand the long johns and am glad that I've also put on the matching undershirt. It's easily another 5°C colder here than in the city. It's freezing, literally. Just above zero degrees, if that.
"Where are we?"
"Floodplain wilderness trail. We are here in the Rhine floodplains. When the Rhine has too much water, everything here is flooded."
"That's why there’s this thing that shows the water level and the barrier."
"Yeah, exactly, everything here has been left as natural as possible and the path is not always accessible."
