I’d never seen him in anything but a suit, so the button-up silk pajama set threw me for a bit of a loop. I’d never seen anyone actually wear those, only in movies about eccentric billionaires. Then again, Faulkner Vane’s smugly smirking photo was probably in the dictionary under the termeccentric billionaire, so that tracked. But I wasn’t going to let anything distract me from what I’d come there for.
Still, all my thoughts were jumbled up and the back of my eyes and throat were burning and the words weren’t coming.
“Did something happen?” He tried again, his eyes intensely scrutinizing me. They were the same clear sky shade as his son’s. “Did Caelyx upset you?”
“No!” I snapped out, mostly on instinct. Of course he would assume that Caelyx had done something wrong, when that was the complete opposite of the problem. “You… You fucked me!”
Probably a bad choice of words, considering the way his eyebrows shot up and he glanced around the hall behind me to make sure no one had heard him that could misconstrue my meaning.
“Please don’t say that,” he requested, with a slight grimace. “I understand what you mean, but having a college student banging on the door to my room screaming that I’ve fucked them is really potentially quite bad for me at this juncture in my career and life, in general.”
“We had a deal,” I went on, incensed. “I told you that you can’tdoanything for me!”
“Ah, let’s step inside to discuss this,” he suggested gently, his calm tone directly contrasting my harsh and frenetic one. I didn’t really want to go into his room, but my head was too fogged up to figure out a way to reject the idea. He stepped aside so I could stomp my way through the door. I heard him fiddling with the little mechanism on the door to keep it propped open before he fell into step behind me, but barely registered it.
I’d thought the room he’d booked for Caelyx and I was massive, but it was nothing compared to his. It wasn’t even a room, more like an entire suite. My entire house could have fit in the first room, a comfy lounge type area. Still, he steered me past it, down another little hall and into the gigantic bedroom. Wilhelmina wasn’t in it, and I hadn’t seen her in the lounge or kitchen area we’d passed by either. Had she slept somewhere else?
Stopping me in the center of the room by giving my shoulders a quick squeeze, he sailed past me to sit in a large, cushy chair, crossing his ankle over his knee.
“I’m afraid I don’t exactly understand what you’re upset about, Aspen.”
Pushing a ragged sigh out from between my clenched teeth, I tried not to let out the frustrated scream I could feel building up inside me.
“You’re paying for my mom’s rehab! Youboughtour house! Our whole fucking neighborhood! Itold youthat you can’tbuyme!”
He pursed his lips, nodding slowly and thoughtfully, before placing his hands in his lap, lacing his fingers together.
“I still don’t exactly understand why you’re upset. You had a problem, that problem is now solved. Surely you’re aware that your mother is getting the best treatment possible?”
“Of course I’m fuckingaware!” I said. All the pressure in my head was getting worse, bubbling over and spilling down into my chest. “And… And you did that on purpose, because youknewI couldn’t say no and make you take it all back once I found out about it!”
“What possible reason could you have for saying no to a thing like that, Aspen?”
That calm fucking voice, like it didn’t matter that he’d put my entire life in jeopardy. Like it didn’t matter that if Caelyx found out that he’d be completely gutted and heartbroken because ofme, after everything he’d done for me. After all the bullshit I’d put him through because of my stupid fucking ego and pride and idiotic need for distance. He’d given me everything, always putting me first and never complaining about having to deal with all my stupid arbitrary rules I’d invented to keep him out.
“You know why!” I insisted. The roughened sound of my voice alerted me to the fact that tears were building up behindmy eyes and I wasn’t going to be able to hold them back. I hated that. I hadn’t cried in front of anyone in years, and only my mom. “You know that if Caelyx finds out you did that, he’s going to think that I… That I’m using him! That I’m using him foryourfucking money, and I’m not!”
“That’s what you’re so upset about?” Faulkner asked, tilting his head. “That Caelyx is going to find out?”
“Yes! What don’t you get!? I said no to your stupid fucking offer, and you’re still…” I trailed off, harsh shivers rolling down my body as I pressed my palms into my wet eyes. Like that would stop anything from coming out. “You’reforcingme to accept this, and I didn’t ask for it! I’m not with Caelyx because of what you can do for me or my family.”
“I never accused you of that,” he countered. “I don’t think that at all, Aspen.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think!” I snapped. “It’s not about you! It’s abouthim. You told me he couldn’t find out we were meeting, and I didn’t tell him, because you made me! And I kept lying and lying to him, because ofyou!”
I couldn’t believe I’d let things get this far. Looking straight into Caelyx’s eyes and telling him I’d go meet his dad with him, knowing we’d already fucking met. And comforting him while he was venting about his family issues and about how he felt he could never live up to Faulkner’s expectations of him, and knowing that I had this big fucking secret with the very person he was so worried about. And letting him dote on me and spoil me and spend all his time with me when it was all under this completely false pretense that I wasn’t a total fucking liar. I had never felt so grimy and low in my entire life.
It was so fucking over. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. All the stress and worry and frustration I’d been feeling for months was finally coming to a peak inside me, and it wanted out. Hottears slipped down my cheeks, dripping down off my jaw onto what was probably million dollar carpet.
“And now when he finds out you did all this, he’s going to think that… That there was some plan behind his back! And he’s going to think that I… That I don’t…”
“That you don’t what?” Faulkner prompted me, tilting his chin down and giving me a pointed look with his eyes, like he was taunting me.
He deserved better than me. He deserved someone who could be normal and didn’t freak out all the time, who didn’t need their problems solved by some giant gesture that probably cost more money than I could even imagine. And I knew that he deserved better, but it didn’t matter because I was so selfish that I couldn’t stand the idea of letting him go. Iwouldn’tlet him go.
“He’s going to think that I don’t love him!” It was like a dam had opened up, and things that I hadn’t even known were blocked had to rush out. And Faulkner was just staring at me, waiting for me to say more and more. “And… And I do love him! I love him so much I can’t fucking stand it and I lied to him because of you. And he’s going to find out and it’s going to ruineverything!”
I was blubbering now, a complete and total embarrassment, but I had no way of stopping it, and all the dark fog in my brain was getting worse and worse. So when I felt a hand slide up over my shoulder blade to grip onto my shoulder, I gasped, twisting and flailing out of instinct and smacking out toward the foreign presence.
