“No!” I snarled. “I don’t care about his money, or your family’s influence, or anything like that! I’m with Caelyx because I like him! I… We…” I trailed off, my cheeks instantly heating up as I watched his mouth stretch into a smug grin. He’d baited me into admitting it with the ease of distracting a toddler with a jingling keyring. Humiliating.
“That’s good to know, Aspen,” he said. “I’m so glad we can be honest with each other.”
I kept my mouth mostly shut for the rest of the dinner, only answering his questions directly, but it didn’t matter. I’d already given him what he’d wanted, and he was very obviously satisfied with it.
While I wolfed down some of the best food I’d ever had in my life, he mentioned that he was considering reaching out to Caelyx over winter break to try and reconnect with him. When he asked me if I thought it’d be a good idea, I wasn’t exactly sure how to answer.
“Maybe something small,” I suggested. The very few times I remembered Caelyx mentioning his dad, his words had not been exactly complimentary. “Just a text or something.”
“He’s not happy with me,” Faulkner surmised, though he didn’t sound particularly offended or hurt. “I understand that. And I don’t want to interfere in a way that will dismantle the progress he’s made. But I think maintaining some semblance of a relationship, just enough to show him that he hasn’t been abandoned, might help keep him from feeling isolated.”
I agreed, but… Something occurred to me before I could voice my opinion. Part of why Caelyx was so into me, so clingy and desperate for my affection wasbecausehe was lonely and isolated… Wasn’t it? If he got his foot back in the door of the Vane family mansion, would he even need or want me anymore? If the path back to his old life was in sight, then why would he care about screwing around with someone like me?
Christ. I wasn’t actually considering telling Faulkner to keep their relationship severed for the sake of Caelyx’s continued interest in me, was I? What the hell was wrong with me?
“Yeah,” I said quickly, the guilt of even having those selfish thoughts stabbing me like a dagger in my guts. “He’d probably be happier if he knows that you’re proud of him, at least. Don’t expect him to skip back into your life, though,” I warned. That part wasn’t me trying to pathetically preserve Caelyx’s feelings for me, it was just the truth. It would take a lot more than a heartfelt text to fix things between them.
We talked a bit more about Caelyx, and how well he was doing and how Faulkner’s fears about him throwing his life away being an irresponsible dipshit were slowly disappearing. When the waitress came up and asked if we’d like dessert, mentioning a special Dubai chocolate lava cake they had for a limited time, I could only snort at the irony.
“What?” He asked. “You want the cake?”
“No,” I said quickly. My stomach would explode if I tried to take another bite of anything. “I was just thinking about how I wish I could bring some home for Caelyx.”
Faulkner stared, his eyebrows furrowing together as he tilted his head at me curiously. “And why would you want to do a thing like that?”
“He loves Dubai chocolate stuff,” I answered a bit defensively. The cat was out of the bag about me liking him, anyway. No need for any more pretense.
“He’s deathly allergic to pistachio,” he stated.
I blinked, before shaking my head. “No. I get him cake pops of that stuff all the time. He loves them.”
“He eats them in front of you?” He asked. I opened my mouth to answer yes, of course he’d eaten them in front of me, until I realized… He hadn’t.
“He takes them home and eats them there,” I said.
“If that were true, he would be dead,” he said, before his mouth stretched into another of those frustratingly smug grins. “Sounds like he didn’t want to hurt your feelings or discourage you from continuing to shower him with mating ritual gifts.”
He truly had a skill for making every part of my life that related back to Caelyx, no matter how mundane, feel as embarrassing as humanly possible.
Groaning lightly, I sat back in my chair and pressed my fingers into my eyes. “Why would he lie about something so dumb?”
“I just said why.”
“I could have made him something at home and put pistachios in it,” I realized. “I wouldn’t have even thought to mention it or ask about allergies because he told me he’d been eating the fucking cake pops.”
“Yes,” Faulkner agreed lightly, now finally lacing his fingertips on the table in front of him. “Keep in mind this is the human that I am ethically, if not legally, responsible for keeping alive. You understand why I need you, don’t you, Aspen?”
It was a statement that would have been funny if it had been about anyone else, but when it came to Caelyx Vane, I couldn’t exactly find the humor in it.
BACK IN MYroom, I stared down at the same page in my textbook for way too long, absorbing none of the words or images. My second time meeting with Faulkner shouldn’t havebeen as stressful as the first, since I’d known what to expect and could mostly presume I wasn’t in any real danger. But the whole idea about starting the process of reconnecting with Caelyx to eventually welcome him back home… It nagged at me. I’d been telling myself not to get too attached to him or too invested in… Whatever it was we were doing together, but I’d thought I would have more time. Until he finished his degree, at least.
And then there was the fact that I was disgustingly selfish. That part of me actuallywantedto keep him from his old life, the life where he was more comfortable and happy, just for the sake of keeping him around. It definitely packed on another layer of misery for me. What kind of person was I?
When the doorknob jiggled and twisted, I glanced up expecting to see Ren. The sight of Caelyx shocked me, and I instantly grabbed my phone to check the time. I’d been spacing out for hours and hadn’t even realized.
“Hey, Cupcake,” he greeted me casually, but sweetly, like always. “Miss me?”
“Hey,” I responded. I hadn’t actually expected him to come over after work. We hadn’t talked about it or planned anything. But at some point things had shifted, and we’d started going out of our way to see each other without even asking or checking. Like it was just a given that we’d want to spend as little time apart as possible. I tried not to think about it too much, and just let it happen, but… Maybe I was setting myself up for heartbreak.
