“Will ye tell me?”
His knees shook as if he wanted tae run from the room. “I canna speak it, Lizzie, tis shameful.”
“I ken ye were there, but... ye were just a lad, ye were following orders, and if ye daena tell me I will hae the story in the Earl’s voice in my head and his words were vile.”
He shook his head. “I canna, Lizzie.”
“Please, m’lord. He said ye caused the death of women and bairns, he told me details that I canna...”
He took a deep breath. “I was posted on a mountain pass in the dark. Twas cold. I remember being cold and complaining that I couldna hae a fire. Then the MacDonalds came runnin’and I wanted tae step aside, tae let them through, I let two women through, carryin’ bairns, but m’sergeant told me tae stand m’ground... tae do it or be killed m’self, and so I did, Lizzie, and after that nae one made it out alive. Nae one.”
“How many?”
“I daena ken how many. I hae never let m’self find out.”
“Ye never told me. I knew ye were there, but I dinna ken ye were a part of it.”
He said, “Because ye will hate me for it.”
I frowned. “How could I hate ye for what a lad was forced tae do? Ye couldna even burn a fire for warmth but ye were supposed tae disobey yer commander? I could never hate ye. Ye are the father of my bairns, m’lord, we are in this taegether.”
He met my eyes. “Tis why ye did it?”
I nodded.
“Ye protected me.”
“Of course, ye are my husband, I would do anything tae keep ye safe.”
“I am used tae yer family protecting each other, but not me — I dinna think it could be about me.”
“This is the first time ye needed my protection. Sean and Magnus, Lady Mairead, they are usually the source of our troubles. I was shocked when he threatened me with my husband’s past. Ye are usually steady and reliable, twas shocking. I lost my sense.”
He nodded. “How did ye hae the poison?”
A short laugh escaped my throat. “I knew Lady Mairead had hidden it in the third floor weaving room behind a stone. The room was empty, twas easy tae get. I felt like twas a sign that I ought tae do it. Looking back I wasna thinking. I just wanted tae keep him from leveling the accusation at ye again.”
He nodded. “Then ye returned tae his solar?”
“Aye, and told him I wanted tae come up with an agreement with him, where he would not threaten ye, but he wouldna relent, so I served him some whisky, with a drop inside.” I leaned back in the seat. “I dinna believe twould work and when... I wished I hadna done it, I regretted it, och, how I regretted it.”
He was meeting my eyes now. “Ye must hae been verra frightened.”
I nodded. “And he wouldna agree tae leave ye alone, Liam, I asked him tae spare ye, I pleaded with him, but he dinna hae any compassion in his heart at all. Twas as if he hated me.”
“Yet still he allowed ye tae pour him a drink.”
“Aye, for all his saying that I reminded him of my mother, he trusted me... and now he is gone.”
Liam stood and moved over to the settee and put his arm around me. He was big and strong and quiet. “I am sorry ye were so frightened, Lizzie. I am a grown man though, I could hae taken care of m’self.”
I shook my head. “Ye daena hae tae, ye are my Liam, my husband, and I daena want anyone tae say horrible things about ye.”
“Even if they are true?”
“Especially if they are true. I am sorry ye hae been carrying that shame with ye, Liam, ye abetted a terrible wrongdoing, but the only man who would hae said it aloud has been sent tae his grave. Ye are free.”
He held me tightly.
