KATE
I should be happy that the snow has slowed down. It is barely falling anymore. The power will come back soon, and life will return to normal. Except I don't have a normal life. My chest aches at the thought of leaving Wynn's home. Hell, this place has felt more like a home than any other before.
We've been snowed in for a handful of days, and they've been the best of my life. When I'm near Wynn, all my worries melt away. It’s only us and I can forget about all my problems. The heavy fog lifts from my mind, and a part of me that I kept tucked away gets to come to the surface.
When I’m with him, I don’t have to watch my every word or action. All I have to do is allow him to take over. Oddly, Wynn's orders come out in a protective way. They’re about me and my needs. I want to please him because it’s what I want to do. I don’t fully understand it, but it makes me feel free.
My father ruled with fear, and it pushed me away. Wynn earned my trust and respect, and it’s drawn me closer to him. Hell, he might have more than my trust and respect. It feels like he’s got my heart too, but I can't let myself go there.
It's too early for that. Right? I can’t bring myself to ask because I’m worried I’ll sound inexperienced. I mean, yeah, he knows that to a degree I am inexperienced, but I don’t want to be clingy. For all I know, this could be like a vacation romance that ends when I leave. Worse, this could all be about saving me and doing what he thinks is right.
I huff a breath, getting frustrated with myself. At times I’m indecisive and not the best at making decisions. I debated running away for months, but only the fear of death or being shoved away in a hospital finally pushed me into action. I hate that it took me so long to act. It makes me feel weak and like my mother. It’s a terrible thought, but it’s the truth. Being like her scares me more than anything.
What if I don't see Wynn as I should? What if I see him through the same lens my mother viewed my father? It makes me question my own decisions and if I can trust myself.
"Are you okay?" Wynn comes up behind me and wraps his arm around my waist. His hand rests on my stomach as he gently strokes me there.
"It's clearing up out there," I tell him.
"Are you tired of me already, or are you getting cabin fever?"
I peek over my shoulder at him, and his hair is a mess, making him appear younger. Every time our eyes meet, it causes flutters in my stomach.
"It's been nice here." I smile at him before I turn back to the window. The white snow was fresh and untouched as if everything were new, but now it’s not. The snow is melting, and nothing has changed. "It felt safe.”
"I'll keep you safe." He kisses the top of my head, and when I don't respond, he turns me in his arms. Wynn put on a sweater, and I hate it. I rest my hands on his chest, and I miss touching his bare skin. Or when it’s pressed to mine. "You have to trust me."
"I do trust you," I rush to say.
"Then what is it?"
"It's just a lot."
I'm not trying to be evasive with him. I’m processing everything and wondering if he has too. He was worried about his career before, and that’s still an issue. I won't let him lose everything because of me. I understand why he wants to try to protect me; it’s who he is. He’s spent his life wanting to save people, but this isn’t so simple.
Why save one or two people when he could go on to save so many? I need to speak to Juliet and see about the possibility of starting over in another state. I don't know if that's possible or how those things work, but I have to find a pathway out. One that doesn't hurt the people that helped me along the way.
"You’re right, Kate, it is a lot. These kinds of traumas linger in the psyche. Therapy goes a long way, and it can help you work through all the thoughts I'm sure you’re having." He cups my cheek with his hand, and I lean into it.
"You're too good to me," I tell him because I never want him to doubt that. I'm not leaving today or even tomorrow, but I need him to know that for when the time comes.
"Baby girl.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I'm not too good for you. Never think that. You keep the bar high and make sure that I'm reaching it."
"Is that an order, Daddy?"
"It is," he says and returns my smile. His eyes crinkle at the edges, and it makes my heart feel full. "Right now, we're not in a rush to go anywhere.” He swipes his thumb across my bottom lip. “And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be."
"Really?" I'm playing with fire, but hearing these things from him is addictive. He makes me feel desired and needed, and I know he’s not trying to use me. I’m sure some people might say that he’s only interested in sex, but I doubt it would be difficult for him to find a willing woman if that’s all he wanted. One that has a whole lot more experience and a hell of a lot less baggage.
"Why would you think otherwise?"
"You have a life and a job," I remind him, and he shrugs.
"All I do is work. It's that or working around here, and to be honest, I avoid home more often than not."
"I love your home. There is history to it." There’s an energy here that feels comforting and lived in. Like it’s the kind of life you want to remember.
"There is history to it. That's why I wanted to keep it." His smile falters. "It was once a home for a family. Now the silence here can be louder than when I'm standing in the middle of the emergency room."
