I’m starting to realize that a cat probably wasn’t the best idea for this experiment. Cats aren’t nearly as helpless as people like to think they are.
I make sure the office door is closed, so she can’t escape, and then I sidle around Cat Veronica, grab her by the scruff of the neck, and wrap her up in a burrito comprised entirely of her very own designer blazer. Her little cat face stares out with feline fury.
“Don’t worry,” I tell her. “You’re going to have a lovely time being a cat. It’s so much better than being a bitch.”
She yowls at me furiously, but she can’t do anything because her little murder mittens are tucked safely away in her own coat. She’s adorable as a cat. She has very big blue eyes and a little smudge on her nose.
What do I do with her now?
Huh.
It occurs to me that I didn’t actually think this would work. My plan was to give her the stuff and turn her into a cat, but once that happened I didn’t think much past it. I can’t just let her go. Something bad might happen to her. I don’t actually wish her harm. I just wish her cat.
Success, it seems, is something I don’t anticipate. Probably worth discussing with a mental health professional at some point. Right now, I am going to have to just have to handle this good fortune as it comes. What do you do with an angry cat? I guess I could wrestle her out to the car, but…
“Is Veronica here?”
I jump slightly as one of the other workers at this fine institution taps on the door, then cracks it, then proceeds to just walk in. I don’t know her name, because I was never introduced. She’s a middle-aged, medium tall woman with brown hair and brown eyes, and I’m probably never going to see her again in my life, but that’s no reason to be rude and not say hello.
“Hello,” I say, snuggling the viciously furious Veronica.
The woman who has put her head around the door, and followed it with the rest of her body, looks like one of the researchers. She’s wearing a white coat, which gives her a very lab adjacent vibe. I am just wearing my writer entrapped by the big businesswoman attire, so I guess I come across as an assistant or similar.
“No. She’s busy,” I say. “Uh. She’s elsewhere. I don’t know where she is.”
I have got to get a grip. I sound suspicious even to my own ears. The first part of getting away with this is going to be not being suspicious.
“Is that a cat?” The woman melts at the sight of two kitty ears sticking up and out of the blazer I am holding onto for dear life.
“It is.”
“Awwww!” She tries to reach out and pet the kitty, but Cat Veronica hisses.
“Must be Veronica’s,” she says, withdrawing her hand swiftly.
“Oh, yes,” I laugh. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to find the carrier that’s supposed to be here for her.”
“We probably have one in the lab I can grab for you,” the woman says. “You’re Lydia, right? You work with Simon? I’m Denise.”
“Nice to meet you, Denise,” I smile. “That would be honestly so great. I’m going to catch hell from Veronica if I don’t get this thing to the vet for her.”
“I will be right back,” Denise says.
And just like that, a carrier appears. The universe really does reward bravery and boldness. How motivating. I might start trying other things, now that this one has worked out. Maybe I was always meant to do daring crimes, but I just never gave myself the chance. Maybe I need to truly believe in myself more?
With Veronica in a carrier, I take her to my car, I take her home, and I let her loose in the bathroom of my house with a litter box, a bowl of water, and a small pan of kibble.
She leaps into the bath and sits there with flat airplane ears, looking at me as though I am an evil giant.
“I didn’t want to do this to you,” I say. “And I don’t know how long you’re going to be a cat, but I can tell you that if there’s any kind of justice in the world, it will be a long time. You had no right to try to take Simon’s research and use it for your own ends. And you had no right to let him use me as some kind of broodmare. What happened to being a girl’s girl?”
She hisses at me.
“Don’t worry,” I tell her. “I’m not going to let you go. You’re not going to have to survive on the streets. You can stay with me, if you can behave yourself.”
CHAPTER 9
Lydia
