For the next few hours, I indulged in every vice I’d sworn off in the past. I drank. I smoked. I ate a fuck ton of artery-clogging food. I gambled thousands and lost thousands. Of course I did; the universe delighted in kicking me when I was down.
That didn’t stop me from putting down more money or ordering another drink. The toxic indulgences were cathartic in a way, like I was purging myself in preparation for a fresh start. One last hoorah before the real work began.
Either that, or I was royally fucked.
I could tell Xavier was leaning toward the latter camp, but he waited until Killian left to use the restroom before he swooped in.
“That’s it.” He took my drink from me, his tone firm. “I’m cutting you off.”
“Fuck off.” My words slurred. My tongue felt thick in my mouth, but my head swam with pleasant detachment.
It was nice.
“Sebastian.” Xavier fixed me with a hard stare. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Nothing.” I reached for the last cigar, but the bastard took that from me, too. “Since when did you become such a buzzkill?”
“I’m not trying to be a buzzkill. I’m trying to keepyoufrom killing yourself.”
“It’s a little smoke and alcohol, Castillo. I’m not going to die.”
“You drank almost an entire bottle of scotch by yourself tonight.”
“Good thing I don’t make a habit of doing that.” I made a half-hearted swipe for my drink. My limbs felt heavy and clumsy, and I missed by a mile.
“Stop it.” Xavier’s eyes flashed. “You’ve had enough. I came to hang out, not watch you self-destruct.”
“Stop it,” I repeated. “Or what?” A nasty edge slid into my voice. “Just because your ball and chain has you on a leash, it doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t have fun.”
He stilled. “First of all, never call Sloane that again,” he said, his voice dangerously quiet. “Second of all, I’m cutting you offbecauseI’m your friend. I’ve seen other people spiral like this, and it never ends well. You’ve had your fun. Now you need to deal with whatever is bothering you in a healthier way.”
My teeth ground together. I felt a twinge of regret for lashing out at him when he was only trying to help, but it was quickly smothered by his next question.
“Does your shitty mood have anything to do with why you left Radhika’s wedding early last month?” he asked.
How thefuckdid he know about that?
New tension seeped into my muscles. If I could erase everything about that wedding from my mind, I would. “You left before I did.”
“I wasn’t invited to the close friends and family day. You were.” Xavier’s knowing gaze bored into my skin. “Trouble with Maya?”
“Don’tsay her name.” The viciousness of my reply shocked even me.
Bitterness crawled into my throat, and a dull ache radiated up my arm. It was only then that I realized I was clenching my hands so hard, my knuckles throbbed.
I forced myself to loosen my them, but the ache remained.
Xavier’s face softened as understanding dawned. “So it is about her.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I was desperate for another smoke or drink. My lovely high was slipping away, every mention ofherchipping away at my shield until I was in danger of being exposed again.
Bile sloshed in my stomach.
“What happened?” Xavier persisted. He was like a fucking dog with a bone. I wished I’d only invited Killian tonight. Pre-relationship Xavier wouldn’t have caredwhathappened as long as we were having a good time, but now that he was happily in love, he seemed to think he was some sort of relationship expert. “Did you—”
“Xavier.” I clipped out his name with cold, steely precision. “Drop it, or this friendship is over.”
A long, fraught second ticked by before Xavier averted his gaze. He muttered something that sounded suspiciously likeyou idiots, but he didn’t press the issue any further.
