There it was.
We’d never said it out loud, but we’d both known from the start that it’d never been about work, or school, or who got the last word in a student debate.
It was about him and me. Always had been, always would be.
The half-dozen drinks I’d consumed earlier hit me all at once.
I set my glass on the counter, my stomach queasy. Ayana hadn’t returned from the restroom, and Sloane and Xavier were nowhere in sight.
I was forced to stand there like a bug under a microscope and participate in this endless back-and-forth we’d had going on for decades.
On a normal day, I’d relish the opportunity to try to take Sebastian down. But between the stress of the past week, the news of my sister’s engagement, and that stupid smirk on his face, I was suddenly, completelyover it.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I said. Fire licked against my ribcage and burned away any filters I might’ve had. “Thereisno competition between us. You’re smart, I’ll give you that. And sometimes you win over me. But I will always work harder than you, and care more than you, andfeelmore than you. You can collect as many accolades as you want, Sebastian, but they’re as empty as everything else in your life. You want those wins so you can say you have them, but you don’t actually give a shit about them. I can’t be in competition with someone whose heart isn’t in the race. So tell me, who’s the real winner here?”
I wasn’t conscious of what I was saying; I didn’t even know where the words came from. But they were out there, and I couldn’t take them back.
My heart pounded as Sebastian’s eyes pierced mine. He hadn’t so much as twitched during my rant, and his gaze was eerily calm.
“Is that what you think?” he said, so softly I shouldn’t have heard it over the synchronized pounding of my heart and the music.
But I did. Every word. They snuck inside me and twisted something deep in my chest.
I swallowed past the sudden tightness in my throat. “It’s what I know.”
Those cool amber eyes darkened. The air pulsed with subtledanger, and thesomethingin my chest scrabbled for a foothold.
“Disappointing.” Sebastian stepped back, his face wiped of emotion. “I expected more from you.”
Before I could ask what he meant, he turned and walked away. “Check your email.”
I was left standing alone at the bar, my pulse thundering. The queasiness in my stomach coiled into a tight knot.
I hated that this had happened twice in one week—him walking off and leaving me at a loss for words.
I especially hated the prickle of guilt inside me.
I’d told the truth. Other people were too afraid or too in awe of Sebastian to be honest, but that had never been a problem for us. We held up a mirror to each other’s faults.
So he shouldn’t be hurt by what I’d said, and I shouldn’t care how he felt about it.
Still, I couldn’t shake the sense that I’d crossed some sort of invisible line as I opened my email. His message sat at the top of my inbox, and the knot in my stomach cinched painfully tight when I read through it.
It was a response to the product launch ideas I’d sent earlier. He’d marked them up with his own notes and observations. They were witty, insightful, and dammit, they made my proposals stronger. A lot stronger.
I’d emailed him at the Tipsy Goat, which meant it’d taken him less than an hour to read and edit all eight pages.
The prickle of guilt hardened into splintering shame.
I shoved my phone into my bag and searched the crowd for a head of tousled dark hair, but he was nowhere to be seen.
CHAPTER 5
Sebastian
THE FIRST PULL OF ALCOHOL STUNG.
The second went down smooth and easy, like my body realized it should soak up every drop before I deprived it again.
