I knew she couldn’t hack it.
Literally anyone else would’ve done a better job.
What a loser.
Once the spiral started, it was impossible to stop, so I let it run its course. But amidst the recent chaos, I also found something I’d never expected—freedom. When you hit rock bottom, the only place to look was up.
The worst thing imaginable had finally happened, and I was still standing. The crisis wasn’t over, but it had passed its peak (hopefully). The noise was getting quieter, and people were starting to disengage as other news scandals caught their attention.
Neither I nor my family would emerge unscathed. The scars from this experience would follow me forever, but they weren’t fatal. I’d imagined I would collapse under the weight of my failure if and when it happened, but I was still standing.
I told Sebastian all of this, hoping he’d understand. “Don’t get me wrong. I wish this never happened,” I said. “But a smallpart of me is almost glad it did? Not the people getting sick part, but the part where I realized that the monsters of my imagination are worse than reality.” I toyed with the pizza crust on my plate. “I putso muchpressureon myself to excel because I was terrified of what might happen if I didn’t. It was a pride thing at first. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone around me that I was capable of making my own mark on the world. Of course, I also wanted to beat you.”
Sebastian’s mouth tipped again, and I allowed myself an answering smile before I continued. “Eventually, it got to a point where I defined myself by my achievements. Who would I be without all those medals and trophies holding me up? What would I do if I didn’t have some new goal to chase? I thought it would get better after I reached big milestones, but it got worse. Now, instead of proving myself as a newcomer, I have to prove that I haven’t lost my touch. So I kept setting bigger goals and telling myself that the next one would beit, you know. The Ultimate Thing that would make me feel complete. I wouldn’t have to prove myself anymore.”
The flames crackled in the electric fireplace. They weren’t real—it was June, too hot for a real fire—but their phantom warmth gave me the courage to continue.
“I thought the launch would be my Ultimate Thing, but after… what happened, I realized thereisno Ultimate Thing. The goalposts willalwayskeep changing if I let them.” I let out a sardonic laugh. “It’s funny that it took the biggest failure of my life to figure that out. I can’t even tell you how I did it. I was sitting in an emergency meeting, and it just… hit me. Total clarity. And now that the worst-case scenario has happened, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” I wasn’t sure if that sounded insensitive, considering Sebastian’s own turmoil, but he’d asked for the truth. He wouldn’t want me to sugarcoat things for hissake. “I don’t have to wait for the other shoe to drop. I just have to survive, which I guess is its own kind of accomplishment.” I exhaled, a little embarrassed by my long ramble. “I don’t know if any of that made sense.”
“It did. All of it.” Sebastian’s expression sobered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I was so lost in my own self-loathing, and I should’ve… I shouldn’t have ignored your calls.”
“We both needed alone time to process. I knew you’d be there if I really needed you.”
“You have a lot of faith in me, Sal,” he said quietly. “Maybe more than I deserve.”
“I doubt that. You know me.” I shrugged. “I don’t give anyone anything they haven’t earned. No participation trophies here.”
His laugh made me smile again.
“I do have something for you though.” I retrieved a foil-wrapped candy from my purse and handed it to him.
Sebastian took it. His eyebrows hiked up. “A chocolate bonbon?”
“It’s one you gave me when the listeria crisis happened,” I said. “Chocolate doesn’t expire for a long time, so it’s safe to eat. I thought… it might make you feel better.”
He stared at the bonbon nestled in his palm, his expression unreadable. “You kept it this entire time?”
I blushed, suddenly self-conscious. “I didn’t want to eat it, but it would’ve been a waste to throw—”
He cut me off with a fierce kiss.
I melted into him, my self-consciousness scattering as quickly as it’d emerged.
I’d been worried the fallout from the launch would tear us apart. Neither of us dealt well with failure, and we’d both invested a lot in the event. It would’ve been easy to cave to our personal demons instead of dealing with them together.
The longer I’d gone without hearing from him, the more I’d worried. But now that I was here, those fears evaporated like mist under the morning sun.
We were going to be okay.
Our moment was interrupted by an incoming call. I reluctantly broke away from Sebastian, and my stomach dropped when I checked the caller ID.
“Where are you?” my mother asked the second I picked up. “Dinner starts in ten minutes.”
Shit. I’d completely forgotten about our family dinner tonight. “I’m still at the office,” I lied. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I got caught up in work, and there’s a ton left to do. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it tonight.”
I expected her to leave it at that. My mother hated talking about work these days, but she said, somewhat suspiciously, “Neha was just at the office. She didn’t see you.”
I held back a groan. Of course, Neha showed up theoneday I left early. She was an exec in our finance department, and she usually worked from home. “We must’ve missed each other. It’s a big building.”
