“No.” She reached for me, but I pulled away before she touched me. I didn’t deserve her comfort. “I’m the problem, Maya. It’s always been me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is,” I said with a bitter laugh. “Do you know why I won’t drink those?” I gestured at the remaining glasses on the bar.
She shook her head slowly, her expression stricken.
“I went on a bender after Wellgrew died,” I said. “My father’s team managed to keep it out of the press. They said I was on a ‘research trip’ to learn new cooking techniques, but in reality, I was drinking my way through Europe, trying to forget what happened. I ended up at a dive bar in Prague, where I got absolutely plastered. I mean, I wasblackout fucking drunk. I got into it with someone, and I don’t remember what happened next. But I do remember waking up in jail. My knuckles were bruised to hell, and…” I exhaled, the sound shaky. “I’d nearly beaten the other guy to death. He was in the hospital for days. I couldn’t even tell you what we’d been arguing about. I don’t think it mattered. I had so much pent-up rage and frustration, mostly at myself, but I took it out on him.”
Maya didn’t flinch or interject. There was no judgment on her face. She simply watched me, her eyes bright with unshed emotion.
I wasn’t an angry drunk, and I held my liquor well in most cases, but… “I had to pretend I was okay for so long, and it was like something inside me just snapped. The other guy survived, thank God, but I’ve been terrified of losing control like that again. I stopped drinking for a while, but my therapist said alcohol wasn’t the trigger. I’ve been drinking my entire adult life, even blacked out a few times, but I’d never done anything remotely like that before. It was… internal. I was repressing too much. If I hadn’t broken in Prague, I would’ve done so elsewhere, with or without drinking.Even so, I have to be careful. I don’t trust myself anymore.”
I walked over and picked up one of the glasses. The smell of whiskey was so strong, I tasted it at the back of my throat. “I need this as proof,” I said. “I told myself that when everything goes to shit, I need to prove that I have the self-control not to snap again.” My tone was bleak. “It’s the only thing I have left.”
“That’s not true.” Maya gently took the drink from me and set it down. She stepped closer and brushed her fingers along my cheek, the featherlight touch anchoring me. “You have me.”
For how long?
“You shouldn’t have come here,” I said, my chest aching. The thought of losing her hurt more than anything else I’d faced this week. “Someone could’ve seen you.”
I might’ve already ruined her career. I didn’t want to be the reason she lost her family as well.
“I don’t care.” Maya’s voice was firm, her gaze unwavering. “We all make mistakes, Sebastian. Yours are no worse than any others.
“How can you say that when I fucked it all up for you?”
“You didn’t.” When I didn’t respond, she reached down to squeeze my hand. “Seb, what happened wasnotyour fault.”
“They got food poisoning, Sal,” I said flatly. “I was responsible for the food. That’s the definition of ‘my fault.’”
Maya bit her lip. Her brows furrowed as if she were debating whether to respond.
The hairs on the back of my neck tingled with foreboding. “What?”
“I wasn’t going to tell you until I was sure…” She sounded wary, like she regretted broaching the subject in the first place.
“Sure about what?” The question came out sharper than I’d intended.
“I don’t think the food poisoning was because of anything you did,” Maya said. “I think we were sabotaged.”
CHAPTER 41
Maya
I COULD’VE HEARD A PIN DROP IN THE SILENCE.
Everything in Sebastian seemed to stall. A thousand emotions flashed across his face before it settled into cool neutrality.
“Explain.” His voice was calm, soft.Lethal.
This wasn’t how I’d planned to tell him. I’d wanted to gather concrete evidence first in case I was wrong, but when he’d told me his Prague story, and I saw how devastated he was, I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t let him think the food poisoning was his fault when there was a strong chance it wasn’t. In fact, it might not have been food poisoning at all.
“I hired someone to do a thorough sweep of the scene after the event,” I said. Unlike with my Pittsburgh hunch, I had a plausible excuse for hiring a professional instead of trying to play investigator myself. “The staff cleaned most of it up, but they missed a few things—including this.” I held out a piece of shiny silver foil. “My team found it under the fridge. Do you recognize that blue?”
His brows pulled together. He examined the foil and shook his head. “What is it?”
I pulled up something on my phone and showed it to him.
