“Forrest, you uncultured boor,” Phee smirked. “It’s aself-driving yacht. It’s programmed to take us the fastest, most scenic route to Tahiti. With no stops. So there’s no turning around until we get there.”
Fuck. We’d been gone for two days. That meant it was eight more days until I could get back in contact with Birdie.
“You’re out of the show.”
“What?” Phee yelped, splashing champagne all over herself.
“You can’t fire Mother!” wailed Paige. “She’s my star!”
“I can fire whoever the hell I want to,” I said sharply. “Want my money to produce this? Then she’s out. It’s my show and my production. I need to find some way to turn this ship around.”
“I think I’m going to faint,” Hieronymus wailed as I got up.
“Daddy, how could you?”
But I saw what had happened now. Phee had thought I would come when she called, because that had always been our dynamic before.
And, like a fucking idiot,I had. Because I thought my ex-wife would beg to get back together, like she always had, and that was always fucking amusing. In fact, I’d been expecting it ever since Paige cast her.
There had been a momentary excitement in her melodramatics and the prospect of her jealousy, but I’d never actually considered getting backtogetherwith my ex-wife.Perhaps. . . I should have made that clearer to Birdie.
“You know we’re meant to be together,” she said smugly.
“Maybe if I was single and bored, but why the hell would you ever think I’d dumpBirdieforyou?”
Phee shrieked and flung her empty champagne glass at me.
“You’ll never find anyone who could replace me for the show anyways!”
“You’re struggling to reach that high C,” I told Phee, dodging the glass easily. “And you’re surrounded by yes-men and bootlickers who won’t tell you that you’re losing your range with overuse. Keep it up. In fact, you’re already halfway there.”
Her scream of rage reverberated in my ears as I headed over to find who or what was driving the boat.
Why the hell had I thought this was a good idea?
Why thefuckhad I paused the wedding? I could have been on my honeymoon with Birdie right now, relaxing and probably getting a blowjob in the private jet. Instead of here on a robot yacht with my obnoxious ex-wife.
What the hell did she mean byself-driving boat?
If she believed those headlines, Birdie was going to be pissed as hell. Hopefully she’d see them for what they were.
Just cheap attempts to get clicks that didn’t reflect our reality at all.
I tried to reassure myself with this, but I had been loving and fucking and seducing women for a long time and I knew I was going to need to put some serious dough out to make this go away.
After prowling around the ship I realized unfortunately Phee had been telling the truth. The goddamn yacht was skipping along the Pacific Ocean with not a damn captain in sight.
Fuck.
I’ve made a huge mistake. A massive mistake.
There was a reason Phee and I were exes. Because she was an unhinged lunatic and I got bored of it. I shouldn’t have even wanted that amusing ego boost of seeing her jealous and desperate to break up the wedding.
What had I expected? To teach Birdie a little lesson about throwing a tantrum at the wedding? Fuck.
I didn’t sleep with her,I began to arrange my arguments to my fiancée in my head.
Didn’t even kiss Phee. Didn’t want anything to do with her.
