I have her attention, and despite her apparent aversion to me, her body says differently. As I pull away, I stare deep into her eyes and whisper, “Happy wedding day.”
“Is it?”
The knives are sharpening, and I stroke her cheek and whisper, “We have been forced into a situation neither of us wanted. Let’s make the best of it and figure the rest out later.”
Her beautiful green eyes fill with tears and sparkle like the diamonds her family owns.
“Don’t you want more, Joseph?”
I wasn’t expecting her question, and I falter.
More. More what?
I shake my head, my life crashing back with brutal reality.
“I have everything, princess. Look around you. If I want something, I snap my fingers and it’s mine. I have the means to go anywhere in the world, do anything; experience it all, so I’m not certain what you mean by more.”
“Cut the crap, asshole.”
She tosses her eyes, causing me to disguise a smile.
“Asshole?” I raise my eyes and she shrugs.
“I wasn’t talking about wealth, money, or possessions.”
She presses her hand to my heart and whispers dreamily, “I’m talking about soul food.”
The fact her hand is on me isn’t unwelcome, and it remains there as she says softly, “To love. To laugh, to be excited, and to dream. To take pleasure in nature, enjoy the simple things likea puppy’s bark, a child’s laughter, and the sun beating down on your bare skin on a hot day. To feel alive, not merely go through the motions of living. To take pleasure in simplicity and be excited about life.”
I stroke her face, marveling at the spark in her eyes as she talks about a life neither of us gets to enjoy.
“Do you want more, Tiffany?”
She bites her lip again, and I whisper, “Or do you desire to live in a prison where you blend in with the crowd? Spending your life on your knees worshipping something you have never seen. Something you have been told exists because it controls you. Do you crave being part of a machine whose only purpose it to lock themselves away from living, while pretending they are better than everyone else? Do you crave that, Tiffany, because we are not dissimilar if you do? I also dance to someone else’s tune. Carry out their wishes and go through the motions under their instructions. I tell myself it’s life, but it’s waiting to die. You paint an interesting picture of what you want life to be, yet you took some persuading to leave the one you chose. So, before you ask me the question, perhaps you should answer it first.”
She nods, resignation heavy in her expression.
“I’m a hypocrite. Just come right out and say it, but at least I can recognize my shortcomings. What about you, Joseph Ravera? For a strong man, you are just a puppet like everyone else.”
I drop my hand, moving deliberately away, and I love how her eyes flash with disappointment.
“Perhaps we can figure it out together then.”
“Perhaps.”
I point to the seat beside me.
“Come. Let’s be civil and at least attempt to get on.”
She nods, and I hold out her chair. As she slips into it, her head is bowed, causing me to trail my fingers along her white,delicate neck, wondering how it would be to circle it in my hands and apply pressure. Holding her life in my hands, watching her eyes burn.
I snap out of my daydream, wondering if the monster inside me will ever leave. I am a despicable wreck, full of vengeance. Crushing beauty in my hand, turning it ugly, and I’m almost sorry for Tiffany Zaferelli for getting the broken brother to guide her in this madness. I don’t, as it happens, have a flashlight, so we will navigate the darkness together and pray we both come out on the other side.
CHAPTER 18
TIFFANY
As wedding days go, this one isn’t up there with romance.
