“Mr. Golden?”
I tear my eyes away from Blue and meet the smile of the nurse. I try to match her energy, but don’t have it in me.
Before I can tell Blue she doesn’t have to come to the exam room, she’s out of her seat, tucking her phone into the back pocket of her jeans.
More silence as we follow the nurse into a room. The space is so cold and sterile it makes my nerves even worse.
“Have a seat,” the nurse says warmly, pushing gray curls behind her ear as she looks over my chart.
I climb onto the table and take a deep breath, trying not to think the worst.
“Any changes since your last visit? An increase in pain? Any numbness or tingling?”
I shake my head. “Pain’s about the same, but it’s pretty stiff in the morning.”
“That’s not unusual. Dr. Graham may want to check your range of motion again, just to see if there’s anything to note, so he’ll probably need you out of the sling for a bit.”
“Okay.”
“He’ll be in shortly to go over your images. Hang tight.” She smiles, then leaves me and Blue in silence again.
Ten minutes pass before there’s a light knock at the door. Then, Dr. Graham enters the room, clutching a black tablet to his chest with one hand, and shaking my hand with the other.
“Good afternoon to you both.”
“Hi, Dr. Graham,” Blue and I both echo back.
He nods at my arm in the sling as he lowers onto the stool beside me. “Hope you haven’t beentoouncomfortable.”
I shrug. “About as much as expected, I guess.”
He nods again. “Well, I’ve got your images here, and I’ll be honest with you, West. It wasn’t quite what we were hoping for.”
He clicks and swipes around on his tablet, leaving me to wonder what the fuck that means until he angles the screen toward me and Blue.
“We’re looking at quite a bit of inflammation.” He pauses to point to an area of the image, tapping it with the stylus onthe end of his pen. “Now, it’s possible this isonlyinflammation, which would heal on its own with a bit of rest.”
“Is that what you think is going on?” Blue asks, and for some reason I’m surprised she’s chiming in, showing concern.
Dr. Graham sighs, staring at the screen. “I believe in full disclosure when explaining a prognosis to my patients, Mrs. Golden. So, with that being said, I believe a more likely scenario is that what we’re seeing is a re-tearing of the rotator cuff.”
With those words, Blue’s face goes slack, and she doesn’t speak. A wave of heat rushes through me, and I’m flooded with memories. Memories of the last time I was in this position, wondering if I’d make a full recovery.
It was hell.
And here I am, right back in the same situation.
“So, in that same spirit of full disclosure,” Dr. Graham says, “we need to be realistic about what this means moving forward. For your health, your career.”
He pauses, and I take a deep breath, terrified to hear what he’ll say next.
“This injury could either be a minor setback, or… you may be facing more permanent circumstances.”
Permanent…
I don’t take another breath. It feels like all the air has been sucked right out of the room. The only thing I feel is fear. It’s as real as any one of us seated in this room. A living, breathing thing.
“Are you… are you sure?” Blue stammers. I don’t have words. As far as worst case scenarios go, this is it.
