A corner of my mouth lifts. “Because I made a promise to you twenty years ago. And I intend to keep it. Always.”
She stares at me for a beat before the faintest smile breaks through, nostalgia slipping past the hurt. “You know you don’t have to do that. It was a long time ago.”
“Come on, you know I care about you. You’re one of the few people on this earth who actually matter to me. One of the most important ones, too.” I lift a brow. “Which is why I’ve been so pissed. It hurt, babe. It really fucking hurt.”
I’ve been calling her babe forever.
She lifts her sunglasses to the top of her head and meets my gaze with red, puffy, wet eyes. “I’m really, really sorry, Matt. I never meant to hurt you. You’re one of the most important people in my life, too… Can we be friends again? Please?”
I lift my mug to my lips and take a drink, swallowing down the stupid thing in my throat that always shows up when I get too close to actually feeling shit. “I never stopped being your friend.”
Truth is, I could never stay mad at Jordan. Even when I’m pissed, I’m not really pissed.
It’s just… frustration.
And it’s confusing as fuck.
She smiles at that. It’s soft and barely there, but it’s real. I mirror it, and just like that, we slip right back into the way things have always been. Friendship. Comfort. Talking through the hard shit. Just like old times.
“There can be no sex this time,” she says, cupping her mug with both hands.
Okay.
Maybe not like old times.
“Why?” I ask, because one, I’m a guy, and two, I can’t fathom why she’d want to deny us both one of the best parts of our friendship.
“Because that’s why I always have to push you away. I can’t stay friends with a guy I’ve recently slept with while dating other people. I can’t have both.” Her brows pull together. “Plus, it’s just too hard. Too confusing.”
“What’s confusing? There’s nothing hard about it, babe. We’re very good at sex. We should be having it. And often.”
Her small smile turns into a grin. “I’m serious, Matt. We can’t slip into old habits. I’m not ready to jump into the dating pool yet, but I’m not getting any younger. I still want to find someone. You know I want that.”
“Yeah, I know you do.”
“So… no sex then? Platonic friendship. You can do that?”
I mull it over, feigning indifference when really the request scrambles my brain and knots my stomach. “Sure. What my baby wants, my baby gets.”
Her nostrils flare, smothering a smile. “Matt.” Her tone is teasing but laced with warning as she points a finger at me. “That’s the kind of shit I’m talking about. None of that. I’m not your baby. Not this time.” She shakes her head. “Not like you need me to get laid anyway.”
True.But no one really compares to her… not that I’m comparing.
I chuckle, the weight of the past two years lifting. I reach across the table and drag my index finger over the top of her hand, giving a slow, reluctant nod, like agreeing to this costs me something I’ll never admit out loud.
“Alright. No sex,” I agree, even though I knowwe most definitely will be having sex. Eventually. It’s only a matter of time because—when have we ever not?
She breathes out a sigh of relief. “Okay, then.”
She’s relieved to not be having sex with me.I hate that. I hate that so much that something recoils in my blood.
Her gaze locks on mine. “I’ve missed you. We should make this a weekly thing. Or maybe even lunch.”
Lunch.Like I’m making plans with my mother.
We’ve always done lunch. But we also used to do dinners, and dinners always led to… dessert.
Lunch is a one-way ticket to the friend zone.
