“I’m not troubling you. You may carry on with your meal.”
I tried to focus on eating, but he kept shifting in my lap. Finally, he turned and nuzzled his face into my stomach. His warm breath brushed the fabric, raising goosebumps along my skin. He drew his legs up to his chest and fell asleep like a child.
I rested my free hand over his head, careful not to spill food on him, and let him be.
Once I finished eating, I washed my hands in a bowl nearby and leaned down with a smile. As my lips touched his forehead, he frowned in his sleep.
“Don’t… don’t leave me, Suman,” he mumbled, half-asleep.“Please… don’t go. I won’t… breathe the same without you.”
When his incoherent words sank in, my smile vanished. The man who was always joking around had such fear instilled in him. Even though we were going to get married, he was begging me in his sleep never to leave him.
I didn’t know how to react or what to say. All I knew was I’d never leave him.
Suddenly, an announcement echoed through the chamber.
“Badi Rani-sa is entering the chamber.”
My heart raced. I quickly patted his shoulder.“Kunwar-sa, Daadi-sa is coming.”
As the sound of the footsteps neared, my heart nearly jumped out of my mouth.
I shook him more urgently, but he nuzzled his face even deeper into my stomach. Before I could wake him, Daadi-sa walked in with a few attendants.
The moment she noticed us, her eyes widened in shock.
“Suman, who’s this?” she exclaimed. I abruptly shook my head.
“Da… Daadi-sa, it’s Kunwar-sa,” I stammered.“It’s him, no one else.”
She moved toward us.
“What is he doing here?” Her face wrinkled in shock.
I glanced down at him, but he didn’t move; instead, he held my hands over his ears, as if trying to block all the commotion. I swallowed anxiously and tried to explain.
“Daadi-sa, I’m sorry. I think he’s tired, so he just came and slept; I’m so sorry.”
She smiled and nodded.
“Oh, it’s okay. But you know you two cannot…” She cleared her throat, hesitant to speak the words.“You understand, right?”
I immediately nodded.“Ji, ji, Daadi-sa, I know. Don’t worry about it; I’ll make sure of it. Also, he’s just a baby; he just came to sleep. He’s not interested in anything else,” I babbled, spilling everything out of my mouth in fear, over-explaining, yet again.
“It’s okay. Calm down,” she chuckled lightly.“And let him sleep now. I’ll come in the morning.”
I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded.
“Ji, Daadi-sa, good night,”
She smiled and blessed us before leaving the chamber.
I breathed a sigh of relief and looked at the big baby sleeping peacefully on my lap. He looked so adorable in his sleep. I felt strangely content watching him so calm, especially after everything we had been through. I was too ignorant to realise that this was all he wanted—this comfort, this care, this love—and nothing else from me.
I kissed his forehead again, brushed my finger gently on the rim of his ear, and whispered,“Humaare pyaare se chote se bacche, chaliye shayya par so jaaiye,”“My cute little baby, come on, sleep on the bed.” But he didn’t seem to hear me.
I gently caressed the cut on his cheek that he had got the previous year, which had left a mark. Although it had faded, it was still there. The realisation that I could’ve lost him to that war made me kiss him again.
He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes.
