Even amidst the chaos, pain, and separation, the memories of her brought a smile to my lips each day.
My mornings would begin with an impatience to return to my empire, hold her tightly in my arms, and tell her how much I loved her. But as the sun would reach its zenith, spreading warmth everywhere with everything it had, sanity would envelop me, reminding me of what she endured because of me. By evening, I would resolve that I was not helping her, but increasing her pain. Finally, I would go back to sleep, feeling an uneasiness about the heartache she had experienced in my presence.
I engaged in more physical activities to distract myself from her, such as exercise, fighting, and horse riding. Yet, I only wanted to be closer to her during these months.
Each time, I reminded myself that I had caused her pain. A thought occurred to me that perhaps I was the one who could help her relieve it.
I felt very weak and lost when I left Suryagarh.
But now, I was no longer that way. I realised I shouldn’t feel bad about whatever she said. She was my wife; she could feel hurt if something related to me caused her pain. She had the right to be angry with me and to hurt me.
I shouldn’t have felt bad.
However, I needed time.
As I was heading home after almost a year, I wasn’t sure if she would smile when she saw me. I didn’t even dare to face her. Knowing how much I had hurt her, I didn’t have the strength to look into her eyes.
I just wanted to celebrate the Princess’s birthday and return the next day.
I was just a mile from the palace, my heart pounding wildly. I could feel the sweat on my palms, and I didn’t understand why Ashwait ran even faster.
I took a deep breath before entering the palace, but my heart sank even lower.
Calm Down. She will not eat you.
I did not know what to do.
After putting Ashwait in the stable, I walked through the corridors. The attendants smiled and bowed to me. Officials recognised me and inquired about my well-being.
It was merely a formality; nobody cared about my feelings.
I sighed deeply and strode to Bhai-sa’s chamber to meet my princess. As I entered the expansive chamber, my steps slowed, as if my heart instinctively knew she would be there. I could hear my heart hammering loudly.
Yet a part of me wanted to meet her, ask her if she was okay, and find out if she was feeling better without me.
My heart sank even deeper, and eventually, my heartbeat stopped when I saw her step out of Bhabhi-sa’s bedroom with Rudraja in her hand. And just seeing her smile made my lips curve instinctively.
She looked beautiful, as always, in her simple clothes. There was a fresh glow on her face, and the moment she laughed with Rudraja and wiped Rudraja’s tears, I couldn’t help but bite my lip to keep myself from smiling.
My babies were close together.
She didn’t notice me watching her as she placed Rudraja next to her and then sat down to make laddoos. The other attendants saw me, but walked away quietly at my signal.
Rudraja squealed, turning her head to me. I grinned. And as I stepped closer to her, she chortled in joy.
She turned her head back to the laddoos and picked one up. After tasting it, she smiled at Suman, and I couldn’t help but think how great she was with babies.
As I approached them, Rudraja stood up. She had even pulled her dupatta down, mistakenly, and I couldn’t help but gulp as I gazed at her back, glowing in the sunlight. A mole on the side of her waist caught my attention.
My lower lip curled inward, pressed between my teeth.
As Rudraja stumbled down, Suman chuckled softly. And I adored them in silence.
I sat down behind her and looked at Rudraja, who tried to stand up again and look at me. She pulled herself up with the help of Suman’s thighs, back, and arms. She gripped Suman’s blouse knot with her tiny fingers.
As she glanced at me, she nearly stumbled again. I gestured for her to grab the string of Suman’s blouse while holding onto the strings of my overcoat.
“Tataaaaattaaaaa,” she squealed, asking me with nods. I nodded back, and she giggled even more.
