I knew I hadn’t told him everything. But he had to accept me because I couldn’t imagine being without him. His rejection slit my heart. His‘no’was more brutal than blades.
I returned to work and asked an attendant to take his lunch. He wouldn’t eat if I took it, and I knew he was stubborn. So was I. I didn’t meet him afterwards; for days, I tried to talk to him, but he ignored me.
He spent most of his time with Princess Rudraja or alone, always busy. He avoided his chamber, knowing I would seek him out. Instead, he strolled into the garden, spent time in Prince Ranvijay’s chamber, and returned at night. He was recovering quickly, and each day, I felt more impatient.
But my patience snapped when I learned Ranaji had asked him to marry Princess Rashmika.
Everything had happened because of her, and then the wedding?
I had two thoughts. First, Kunwar-sa had nothing with her, and second, there seemed to be something between them, like a soft corner or perhaps something deeper.
And I was in the middle.
The thought alone made me restless. I was trying hard to fall asleep, but couldn’t. Throwing the comforter aside, I sat up, wishing to be in his chamber. But, he must’ve been sleeping at this dark past midnight.
But I had to talk to him, too.
Regardless of everything, we shared a history, and I refused to let my efforts go in vain.
Honestly, I was confused, but deep down, I knew I couldn’t avoid him. I could be angry, upset, frustrated, or anything else, but his face was something I wanted to see every day.
I realised it only after he returned from the war. It changed something in me.
Inhaling deeply, I palmed my face.
You are a lost cause, Suman.I had to see him.
Giving in, I wrapped a shawl around and left for his chamber.
I knew it would be concerning had anyone witnessed, but I couldn’t care less; I had already gained fame among the attendants and overheard their gossip about me.
Proceeding through the corridors, I arrived at his chambers. The soldiers standing outside glanced at me and halted my progress.
“He is resting. You cannot go inside.”
I inhaled deeply.“Dekho, humaara unse milna atyant aawashyak hai; humaare jeewan ka prashn hai,”“See, I need to see him; it’s about my life.”
They looked at each other.
I added,“Do you know how difficult it is for a woman to be used and then ignored by a man? He used me, and now he’s acting as if nothing happened. You both are complicit in this by preventing me from going inside.” I lied. I had no other option. It crushed my self-respect, but at this moment, he was important.
The silence followed before one of them gulped and stepped aside.
“But remember, he must not fire us.”
I stepped inside, and my gaze first landed on the empty bed. Then I noticed the dim lighting. I scanned the room, but he was nowhere to be found.
“Kunwar-sa,” I called out, stepping further in.
A sudden shift in my heart accompanied the realisation of his absence; it felt like the calm before a storm.
I bit my lip and moved toward his dressing room. He wasn’t there either. Maybe he was in the bathroom. I checked, but he wasn’t there.
Nervously, I blinked and reached for the handle of the library. He must be there. Pushing it open, I stepped inside and looked at the table and the empty chair.
Yet the lamps were lit. I felt dread crawl over my skin as I took more steps inside. As I walked past the shelves, I finally spotted him sitting against a wall in the corner, near a lamp, with a book in his hand.
But he was asleep.
