“I know I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I should have listened to you and not behaved like that. But I was scared and—”
“Listen,” he cut me off and looked sharply into my eyes.“I am not angry, but I cannot do this now. It’s not about you anymore. It is about me. I have nothing left in me to give you. I cannot give you anything. So, go back to your room and stop doing anything for me. I don’t want to make it hard for you.” His words pierced my chest.
I joined my hands,“I’m sorry. I know I made a mistake. I never wanted to hurt you,” I pleaded.
He shook his head.“You are not getting me, Suman. It’s not about you anymore. It’s about me. I cannot give you anything. It was not your mistake; you said what you perceived me to be. And I know it’s my mistake; you only called me something I was, I am, and I always will be. So, don’t make it more difficult for you. I am not the one,” His voice was calmer than ever.
“You are; I am sorry,” I broke down in tears.
He smiled, shaking his head.“You are just being emotional. Give yourself time, and you will know I am not the one,”
He sat on the edge of his bed, and I couldn’t stop kneeling before him.“Please, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing. It’s just I was hur-”
“I am a manwhore, Suman,” he exclaimed, stunning me.“I’m still the same person who hugged Rashmika. And yes, I hugged her in front of everyone. I’m still that same person—the cheater, flirt, and manwhore, with whom you can never spend your life. Don’t make it difficult for yourself. It’s a‘no’from me. There’s no love now. You made your decision, and I accepted it. Now, I am deciding for myself; accept that,” he said, and I broke down in tears before him.
“I did not know. I don’t know; please forgive me, please,” I begged.
And after a few moments, he silently placed his hand on my head and kissed it.
“There is nothing to forgive, Suman. It’s just that I can no longer do this. I don’t want to be myself anymore. I have nothing left to give you. Please understand and leave.” He held my hand and helped me stand up.
I didn’t know how to make him understand I wanted him. I just got afraid that he might hurt me. It was wrong to focus on myself at that moment.
How could I have told him and made him understand that this wasn’t what I meant?
It wasn’t what I wanted. I was angry. I didn’t understand why I directed all my frustration at him.
I stood frozen, crying and watching him as he walked away and lay down on his bed, covering himself with a comforter.
I didn’t know what to do.
Watching him walk away tore my heart. It was something I had never experienced before.
I ran out of his chamber and went to my room, crying my heart out.
I didn’t know what to do. How could I hurt the person who cared for me so much? Hearing those things from him hurt me beyond.
After crying for a long time and reflecting on what had happened in the past few weeks, I realised I wanted him back.
I had to win his heart again; I couldn’t hurt us like that, especially when I knew how it felt.
I stood up and returned to work. I couldn’t lose hope; I would win his heart back. He had to love me in return. How could he say‘no’to me when he wanted me? He was crying for me just a week ago. I knew he was lying.
?????
The next day, I got ready, promising myself not to cry anymore and to fix my mistakes. I couldn’t afford to lose him.
After dressing in plain yellow attire, I entered the kitchen and began preparing for the day. I sent his breakfast with an attendant, and at lunch, I plated it and went to give it to him.
The physicians had advised him to rest and care for his wounds, so he was lying in Nandani’s chamber under the sunlight with the princess.
It must be over now since I said‘no’once, and he did, too. His anger seemed to have subsided. But he wasn’t talking to me, so I seized the opportunity to get him to speak.
Smiling, I took the lunch directly to Nandani’s chamber.
He was lying on the carpet under the sunlight, savouring grapes with Princess Rudraja.
Bracing myself, I stepped closer. He looked dangerous and intimidating, with his hair trimmed.
