“You undid my braid,” I said, chuckling through my tears.
“Oh… I’m sorry, I was just combing your hair.”
His slow voice made me look at him, and I gulped silently.
He smiled weakly at me and added,“I promise I will never ask you to do anything for me after we make love. You can rest,”
I instantly erupted with soft laughter, playfully slapping his chest.
“That wasn’t the moral of the story,” I said, and he furrowed his brow.
“It wasn’t?”
I shook my head, laughing at his cluelessness.
“No, it was not.” My cheeks hurt, so I closed my eyes and pressed my face against his chest.
He silently brushed my hair, caressing my head, and spoke slowly.“Suman,”
“Hmm?” I hummed, feeling his other hand caressing my jaw.
“Can I tell you something, if you won’t judge me?” he asked, and I opened my eyes to look at him.
“Never,”
He sucked his lip slightly before he continued,“Um… I know we have choices in life, but we have shortcuts for everything.”
His words made me crease my brows in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
He closed his eyes for a moment, shifted slightly, pushing me off his chest, and said,“I can't tell you like that.”
I sat up, listening to him, and he turned his face away from me, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“You don't have to tell me about your life. It’s not my place to know, and your comfort is important. If something is bothering you, you don’t have to share it,” I said, kneeling behind him.
His soft curls looked mesmerisingly beautiful as he shook his head.
“I want to tell you. I mean… You know, you can leave me after this, reject me. There’s no foundation. I’m sure that man, or any man, would be a thousand times better than I. Also, I’ll keep an eye on him so he’ll never hurt you, but you must know this is your choice. I know you’ve never been given an option before, but I want to offer you one. I want you to decide for yourself. You’re not sixteen anymore. You're older, much more intelligent, and more mature than before. You know people now. All of this is... maybe a mere attraction; I’m not sure yet. But I believe you deserve much more than this. I’m not the man you think I am. I’m not like my brothers, who saved themselves for their wives. I’m not the ideal husband. I prioritise the kingdom above anyone else. I can kill without thinking twice; blood doesn’t frighten me, and fire doesn’t scare me. I could die for our kingdom without a second thought, Suman,” he said all at once, and I felt a lump form in my throat, unable to respond.
My fingers turned sweaty and colder as I listened to him. I didn’t know what to say.
“I've done unethical things,” he whispered, and I lowered my gaze.“I have done things a woman wouldn’t want in her husband. That’s why I’m telling you, you can leave if you want. I mean, that man is great, and… he will keep you happy,” he kept sputtering, his voice hoarse.
I couldn’t help but shift closer and hug him from behind.
“I don’t want to marry him. Do I not have a say in who I choose to marry or not if I have a choice?” I asked, and he touched my arm silently.
“Suman,” he breathed, falling silent for a few moments, then continued,“I was just fifteen,” his voice trembling.
I shut my eyes. Nothing could touch me.
“Rudra Bhai-sa was twenty-two and was practising celibacy back then, while Ranvijay Bhai-sa was our Guruji’s36favourite student. He had appointed him as his assistant to teach other students as well. I always felt like a lost cause; I was intelligent, but mostly distracted. Until then, I had been living with both of them. But Rudra Bhai-sa then went to Suryagarh to work as the personal guard for the former king, our uncle, the elder brother of our father, while Ranvijay Bhai-sa stayed with Guruji,”
He paused briefly, and I noticed him scratching his fingers.
“We were out of the money our Maasi-maa earned for us, and I had just finished my training. Like the basics, the advanced training provides actual war experience. Then, I began working as a soldier in one kingdom. Since I was just fifteen, I was assigned to serve under the married princess of this kingdom. She was in her thirties—neither very young nor too old—and had two children; I didn’t know them and never had the chance to. While standing outside her chamber, I learned about their bedroom activities. However, they were mostly either fighting, yelling, or something else was happening between them.”
