Alone in herroom, chaos ruled Lucinda’s thoughts. She had worried all night if Miss Covington might have been beside herself with concern over her. Were any of the girls worried about what might have happened to her? Or perhaps none of them cared. Tears sprang from her eyes, and she wiped them away, angry with herself for having let her emotions rule her logic, yet again. She could not do this to herself. Nobody liked crybabies. She had learned that firsthand at the tender age of nine.
Lucinda feared this dream would soon shatter, that he would place her somewhere else once he was bored with his responsibility and abandon her again. It filled her with such dread she could hardly contain it. She had to get out of this room before she went mad.
Lucinda shook herself, grabbed her bonnet, and made her way down the stairs and out into the garden. Raising her face to the sun that had finally broken through the clouds, she enjoyed its warmth for a few moments. She must be wary, she thought, shield herself from everyone so she would not become too attached to them. Oh, she would let them help her, and be grateful, but she would not let them in. None of them.
Sitting on a bench in the sunlight, she pretended she had not heard him coming. She was not even sure why. When Lord Ashton presented himself in front of her, looking handsome asthe devil, she felt her heart flutter despite her determination not to be affected by his good looks.This was not a good start.
“Miss Sterling, I trust you have had a pleasant morning?”
If by pleasant he meant bored, then yes. She looked up at him, shielding her eyes. “Yes, very pleasant. And you? Did you see Lord Stafford?”
“I did. There is no further information on the captain yet, but as soon as we know anything I assure you I will let you know.”
She nodded. Shouldn’t she feel more concerned about the captain? She wanted to, but she really did not know him. He was Lord Ashton’s friend, though, so she simply went along with it.
He sat down next to her, and she could smell his spicy aftershave.
“If I may ask an impolite question?” When she nodded, he said, “I did wonder why no relatives came to claim you, once your father did not return? Surely, you have aunts, uncles, or even cousins who could have taken you in.”
His expression was all sympathy, or was it pity? Either way, she did not like it. She twisted the ring her father had given her as a parting gift, a pretty enameled ring with pink flowers on it. Her only link to the man who had been her father. “I have asked myself those same questions. We lived abroad when I was young, so I never really met any family. Once my father left me, assuring me he would come back, which, of course, he never did, I thought then I might learn more about my English family. I quickly realized that was not to be.”
He patted her arm in a manner meant to console her, and it took all her strength not to snatch her arm away.
“I am sorry,” he said, his tone soft. “Stafford has assured me that he will do everything in his power to find out who your family is.”
“He should not bother, for who would take me in now? I believe when I come into my majority I will inherit some money,but I have no idea how much. Hopefully I may have enough to live comfortably somewhere, as I do not wish to be a burden on you. I am quite happy on my own.”What a lie. She hated being on her own, but she would spend time in her room all day if it meant not being sent away.
His look of concern was endearing, as though he might actually care. “Is that what you want?”
“Why does it matter? No one has ever cared about what I want.” She tugged her shawl closer around her as if it could protect her.
He looked shocked. “I care. I want you to be happy. Tell me how to do that.”
It was her turn to frown. “You would help me?”
“Of course; I am your guardian. It is my job to keep you happy. If it is reasonable, I cannot see why I could not.”
Reasonable.Happy? “I want a husband. Is that reasonable enough?” His look of horror made her laugh, but it came out bitterly. “Not you, of course.”
His expression turned to one of relief. “Thank the heavens for that,” he finally said with a small smile.
“Do you not wish to marry?”
“Not really, I would make a dreadful husband. It is one of the only benefits of being the youngest son. No one expects anything from you.”
For some reason, his answer annoyed her. “How free you must feel. Being able to do whatever you want. No wife to worry over, no children to guide and educate. Though, would it not be lonely?”
“I have family enough to keep me more than occupied.”
“You are most fortunate,” she said.
“Well, yes, I am,” he said in a sheepish manner. “But I would reserve your judgment until you meet them. I’m sorry if I hit a sore spot.”
Now she had started, she could not stop. “You must surely see why I wouldwantto marry. So, I too, may be surrounded by those who will love me. This is why I need a season to find a husband. I am quite proficient in dancing. I can play the pianoforte and the harp and am quite skilled at needlework. Is that accomplished enough for the ton, do you think, Lord Ashton?”
“Most undoubtedly.”
“I want to be introduced to all the eligible gentlemen of London and hopefully one of them may be suitable.”
