“I am sorry, Lucinda. I thought, foolishly now I see, that they would make you happy.”
“It is not your fault, and I am thankful that you brought them to me. I had for so long wanted something I could hold on to, something tangible. And now I have that. So, thank you.” She stood on shaky legs, and he stood too. She went up on her tippy toes and kissed his cheek. Turning, she ran from the room, the miniatures clutched to her chest as she ran.
*
Well, that hadnot gone as expected. Tony really thought they would have made her squeal in delight. Instead, they had dredged up every deeply hidden insecurity she had about her parents. The small paintings had given her no answers. Nothing but evidence that she was, indeed, all alone. He couldn’t give her what she wanted—her parents back—though if it were within his power to do so, he would in a heartbeat. Despite his family growing to love her, they were not her own family either.
She had pinned all her hope on finding a husband who could offer her the familial bond she longed for, but he knew that notevery family was a happy one. Not every man may be willing to give her the loving devotion she no doubt craved.
He decided that he had to try, at least, to find out if her grandfather on her mother’s side was still alive. To find one family member who was indeed of her blood might soothe her. That, at least, he could do.
He went to his study to plan. A list of people to whom he could speak to in order to find out whether Lord Shorten still lived. He rubbed his forehead. What if she reacted like she had over the portraits? Or what if her grandfather wanted nothing to do with her and she found out? He would have to do this in secret. If the old man wanted nothing to do with her, he would keep it from her at all costs.
He sat heavily on his chair in front of the fire and stared at the door, wishing she were standing there. His heart ached for her. He knew the loss of a parent. Though he had never been close to his father, the events of his death had affected them all. Chaos had reigned in the house, its extent immeasurable. His mother crying nonstop, Edward looking haunted by his new station as duke, and his siblings walking around like ghosts. Everyone afraid to laugh or smile. The whole house had been draped in black, as were its occupants. The color sucked all the happiness from everyone until one day one of his brothers, was it Charlie or Thomas, cracked a joke and it was such a relief to laugh again.
Lucinda had no one to mourn with. No one to break the bleakness of death. She had to endure it on her own. He kept forgetting how resilient she was. She was innocent and naïve in many ways, but he would not call her a shrinking violet. Tonight, she had mourned her parents and let her tears flow. Even though he was surprised by her reaction, he understood it. They were real people. People who had loved her and then had left her through circumstances they could not have controlled.
Lucinda Sterling had come to occupy his thoughts more and more these days, and he knew not how to keep his emotional distance from her. He knew he had to if he was not to declare himself besotted and lose everything he had fought so hard to keep. His independence, his position, his sense of worth. He would not give that up, not even for her. He needed to maintain a cool indifference so that she could find her damn husband and set him free from this infernal obligation.
Chapter Fourteen
The morning ofthe picnic with Lord Dunstan arrived to much excitement, and Lucinda was not ashamed to admit she was looking forward to it. They were to meet Lord Dunstan at a picturesque section near the Serpentine in Hyde Park.
When they arrived at the spot, the girls giggled in delight. Dunstan’s servants had set up a marquee with tables, chairs, and easels for painting. They had placed picnic blankets on the ground, and they were laying out baskets and baskets of food.
“Oh, good. There is wine.”
“Tony!” Marianne admonished.
“What? I must have something to do while you and Lucinda dabble in… art.”
“Perhaps you should have a go yourself, Lord Ashton. You may uncover a new appreciation for it.”
“As stimulating as that sounds, Miss Sterling I shall be happy to lounge on a blanket and partake of Dunstan’s hospitality. I may even take a nap.”
“Seriously, brother. Please behave today. It is important not to put Dunstan off because of your cavalier attitude. Unless you can explain why you dislike him.”
“You have me all wrong, sister dear; I do not dislike him. If I engage him in conversation I am simply testing him. Seeing what the man is made of. It is my job to do so. No one wants a doormat for a husband.”
“That is cruel, even for you.”
Lucinda decided it was time to put a stop to this argument before Marianne punched her brother in the face. Honestly, she was a little surprised by her friend’s fierce defense of their host. “Lord Ashton, I will have no battle of wills between you and Lord Dunstan today. We are his guests, and as such we should act like guests. Keep your testing for another time.”
Tony laughed as he alighted from the carriage and handed down his sister and Lucinda. “As you wish.”
They walked down to the marquee, where Lord Dunstan greeted them.
“Ladies, thank you for joining me today. I am looking forward to seeing your works. Lord Ashton.” He shook Tony’s hand. “I hope you will not be too bored. I do have plenty of supplies if you care to dabble.”
“Thank you for the invitation but I shall find a way to amuse myself.”
“Excellent. Please help yourself to anything in the baskets. I had Cook put in a selection of treats for us.”
Tony grinned. “Sounds splendid.”
Lucinda watched as Tony grabbed an apple from one of the baskets and made himself comfortable on one of the blankets. Who was this man? The man who only the other night held her so softly. Who let her cry her eyes out. Tears that felt like they had been waiting for years to be released. Now he was smiling at her as if he knew the punch line to a joke she was not yet aware of. She decided to ignore him.
“Ladies, please, this way.” Lord Dunstan extended his arm to the chairs he had set up facing the Serpentine. It was a lovely day. Puffy clouds skittered across the sky on the breeze, changing and evolving before one’s eyes. A rush of excitement took over her body as Lucinda searched the vista before her to see which scene she would attempt to sketch. Taking up a pieceof charcoal, she marked out the skyline, the trees, the river, and the bank.
