Jay shook his head, his gaze sliding from her back tomine. “We have more important things to worry about right now. Do you wanna talk about it?”
“It’s everything. My brother. The wedding. No one will tell me anything. I feel like my whole life is out of my hands. I’m just here in the dark, letting everything about my life be decided for me. Ryker’s out there somewhere, probably in danger, and I’m just here, helpless to do anything. Everything’s out of control, and I can’t—I can’t—” A choked sob tore from my throat. Jay’s arms tightened around me, his hands stroking down my back as I curled into his chest, hot tears soaking his T-shirt.I hated that I was falling apart, especially in front of him, but everyone had a breaking point, and I’d found mine.
The mattress dipped as Liana settled next to me and Jay, covering my hand with hers. “We’re gonna get through this. I’m going to find Dan right now, and I’m going to make him get answers, even if I have to use violence.”
Jay chuckled softly. “I almost feel sorry for him.” His voice turned serious again. “My room code is 1824. Press the hash key, then the number.”
“Okay. I’ll be back as quickly as I can.” She squeezed my hand, and then she was gone. I did my best to pull myself together, taking deep, deliberate breaths. As I began to calm down, I became aware.
Aware of the fact that this man who’d told me we couldn’t see each other anymore was cradling me so gently, as if I were something precious to him. Aware of the warm, woodsy scent of his aftershave. Aware of the heat of his palm, sliding over my hair and down my spine.
I shivered again.
Swallowing hard, I made myself sit up straight, forcing myself to meet his dark gaze.
He really was so beautiful.It gave me butterflies.
“I’m sorry for dragging you into this,” I began.
“Forget it. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“It’s— You said you didn’t want to see me anymore, and I should have respected that. I shouldn’t have forced you to stay.” I cringed, thinking about the fact that I’d basically clung to him and refused to let go, so he had no choice but to remain here with me.
“Nova. No.” His voice was quiet. Careful. “It’s not that I… Fuck. I don’twantus to stay away from each other. I’m just trying to do the right thing. For both of us.”
“Oh.”
His lips curved up into a tiny, reluctant smile. “Yeah,oh. Do you know how hard it is to stay away from you?”
“Do you think… I know we can’t change my situation, but do you think we could maybe try being friends?” The words spilled out before I could think them through.
“I honestly don’t know if that’s the best idea you’ve ever had or the worst.” He exhaled harshly. “But fuck it. Yeah, okay. Why not? Let’s try and be friends, Nova Thorpe.”
“Friends, Jayesh Attwood.” A laugh burst from my throat. “This is so ridiculous.”
“Maybe.” His brief smile disappeared, and his hand cupped my face, his thumb rubbing over my cheekbone. “Do you want to talk more about why you were upset?”
“Not really.” I sighed. “It’s just the things I said earlier. Everything’s getting to me, and I need to stay strong, but I can’t.”
“Come here.” He pulled me back into him, his fingers resuming their slow movement through my hair. “Youarestrong, and you’re allowed to fall apart. It doesn’t make you weak.”
I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, especially because we’d have to rehash it all over again when Liana returnedwith Daniel. Instead, now that I had him here, I wanted to talk about the other thing that had been playing on my mind ever since the package had been left outside my door. “Jay? Can we talk about something else for a minute? I wanted to say thank you for my birthday present. It was— You shouldn’t have.”
“I wanted to,” he said with a too casual shrug. “That’s all there is to it. I saw it, and I knew you’d like it.”
There was a lot more to it than that, especially with the fact that the book was afirst edition, but I let it go. There was something else I wanted to ask him that was even more important. “Can we talk about your letter?”
“Fuck,” he hissed. “Do we have to?”
“Not if you really don’t want to, but… Did you really mean what you said?”
He was silent for a long moment, and then he sighed again. “Nova. Look at me.”When our eyes connected, he nodded once, his jaw tight. “This is so hard.” He blew out a heavy breath. “Yeah, I meant it, and you deserve to hear those words to your face. I’m sorry for the way I acted towards you. For being cruel. For making things harder for you. For taking another choice away from you. I’m just— I’m fucking sorry. There’s no excuse for my behaviour, and I’d give anything to go back and change things. I wish I’d just stayed away from you.”
“Jay.” My lip trembled. “Why? Why did you do it?”
His eyes closed, his lashes sweeping down as he exhaled sharply. “Because I liked you, okay? I wanted to convince myself I hated you because I knew anything between us was impossible. Iknowit was fucking stupid of me to act the way I did.”
Lifting my hand, I brushed my fingers over his jaw, his stubble rasping against my skin. “Yes, it was, and yes, youhurt me, and I’m not excusing that. But with everything that’s happened since…with everything that’s happening right now, I don’t want to hold on to old grudges. You’re not the person I thought you were, once, and believe me, you’re not the only one who’s made mistakes. So, yes. Maybe it’s stupid of me, but I forgive you.”
