“Things?”
“You know.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Sexual things.”
“Oh.” My cheeks heated. “Um. No. I don’t think so. I mean, he barely even kisses me. In fact…the only time he kissed me when we weren’t in a public setting was on my eighteenth birthday. I don’t think he’s interested in me that way.” I was almost certain of that fact. Anton’s attention towards me always seemed mechanical, like he was going through the motions. I never saw his gaze dip indecently low, or heat in his eyes when they met mine, not like Jay?—
I swiped my mocha from the table, taking a large, frustrated gulp, and immediately regretted it. When I’d recovered from the subsequent coughing fit after I’d accidentally inhaled way too much coffee, I took a deep, clarifying breath.
“Anton will do what the men in our world always do. Marry me and sleep with whoever he wants.”
“They don’t all do that,” Vesper said softly.
I sighed. “Okay, that was unfair of me. But I mean…you know my parents. And Anton’s not exactly discreet with his flirtations. We both know this isn’t a love match.”
“I hate that you had to have your first kiss with a man who’s not even into you,” Liana bit out. “And I hate these double standards.”
My first kiss.
They both knew that the night of my eighteenth birthday had been the first time anyone had ever kissed me. How my mother had drummed into me the importance of waiting, to sweeten the deal, and my dad had tasked my brother with keeping interested boys away from me. But they didn’t know who the first person to kiss me had been.
And they didn’t know that he’d kissed me again in mysanctuary, the one that I’d kept secret from everyone, even those closest to me. Everyone except for Aleksi, who was a hundred and fifty miles away.
“It is what it is.” I drained the remains of my mocha. “And on that note, I’d better go. My mother’s expecting me.”
When I entered the small boutique, the little bell above the door jingling to announce my arrival, I found my mother seated primly on a plush ottoman, clasping a flute of champagne as she flipped through the glossy pages of a bridal magazine. “You’re late,” she said without looking up.
“Sorry. I got caught up with Liana and Vesper.”
Her mouth thinned, but she refrained from commenting, which I was grateful for.
A woman in a lavender shift dress appeared in front of us, a professional smile stretching across her lips.“Miss Thorpe. Congratulations on your betrothal. Your mother took the liberty of pulling some dresses, but I wondered if you’d like to take a look around and see if anything catches your eye.”
“This should have all been dealt with much sooner,” my mother said sharply. “If you hadn’t kept putting off the appointment?—”
“I’m here now. Let’s just get on with it.” Turning to the woman, I glanced at her silver name tag before pasting on a smile. “Thank you for the offer, Julia. I’d like to have a quick look around.” Ignoring my mother’s huff of disapproval, I stepped over to the closest rack, letting my fingers trail over satin and lace. Of course, I had to be dressed appropriately for my engagement party, which meant that I’d inevitably end up in one of the dresses my mother had already chosen,but that didn’t mean I was going to make it easy. Selecting a handful of dresses, all daringly cut in the front or the back, I carefully added them to the wheeled rail alongside my mother’s choices.
Unusually, she didn’t comment on my clothing choices. I studied her, taking in the barest hint of dark circles under her eyes beneath her makeup. “Mum. Is everything okay?”
“Of course. There are always whispers of dissent in the ranks. You know how it is. Nothing to worry about.” My mother was examining herself in the mirror as she spoke, prodding at her face with a delicate fingertip. “Nisha did a wonderful job with my filler this time.”
I jolted at the mention of Jay’s mum. Licking my lips, I nodded. “She did.”
“I’ve already taken the liberty of scheduling a series of appointments with Priya for you in the run-up to the wedding to get your skin in tip-top condition. If you’d like, I can schedule in a little Botox treatment. You’re already starting to get frown lines, and it’s never too early to prevent them.”
“No, thank you.”
“Hmm.” She swept her critical gaze over me. “I suppose the skin regime will do for now.”
When I couldn’t even muster up a smile in response, she sighed, something startlingly genuine flashing in her steely gaze before it was gone again. “Darling. I sometimes feel as if you think I don’t care.”
Yes…there was a reason for that. I remained silent, and she huffed pointedly before continuing. “Listen to me. Your father wanted an heir, but…I never cared much for boys.” Her mouth twisted. “Or for babies. Dreadful, screaming things. What would we do without nannies?”
“Is there a point to this?” I muttered, inexplicably hurtby her words, despite the fact that they didn’t come as a surprise. Crossing to the polished marble sideboard where the champagne rested in a bucket of ice, I picked up a crystal flute and poured myself a generous glass. Tipping it to my lips, I let the liquid fizz down my throat, ignoring my mother’s disapproving look. As if she wasn’t already most of the way through her second glass.
“Yes, there is a point,” she said eventually. “As you know, your brother was born first. I… Well, he was another crying baby. But when you came along, I realised how wrong I’d been. I felt it instantly, right here.” She tapped her chest. “I had achild. A daughter. One I could mould into a beautiful, graceful woman, who would make our family proud. You’ve surpassed my expectations. You’re going to make a wonderful wife and mother.”
“Y-you didn’t want Ryker?”
Waving a dismissive hand in the air, she downed the rest of her champagne. “Don’t be so simplistic, Nova. It’s not about want. He’s your father’s heir. You both have your duties to perform.”
