“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Her head jerks up. “No. Why are you sorry?I’msorry.”
“No, Auntie Deb—”
“Don’t,” she interrupts, shaking her head, tears spilling freely now. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I should’ve tried harder, Charlie. I should’ve questioned why you were hanging out here all the time instead of my house. You were always there, and one day you weren’t.” Her voice breaks. “I should’ve protected you, my sweetheart.”
I want to tell her it’s not her fault. I made my own choices. I wasn’t some helpless kid, just a stupid one. So I say it.
“No. No, it’s not your fault. It was my decision, okay? I should’ve been more careful.” I swallow, throat dry. “Glory… was a mistake.”
Even her name sounds wrong on my tongue. I can’t recall a single moment where she actually gave a shit. My brain wants to. Because what does that make me? A fool?
Deb’s hand covers mine. Warm and slightly shaking. “I’m so sorry, Charlie.”
I freeze. Blinking slowly at my hands on my lap.
“Charlotte,” I finally correct her, my voice fraying. Because I’m done. I’m absolutely done with Charlie. She was never who I am. Charlie was Glory’s invention. And I am—and forever will be—Charlotte.
Mama Deb gives me a broken, wet smile, nodding. I can feel her guilt, wrapping around both of us. And it makes me feel undeserving of it.
“It’s not your fault,” I repeat.
She shakes her head, sniffling, brushing at her tears.
There’s this tiny pause, one heartbeat of silence and the words slip out before I can stop them. “Mama Deb.”
Her whole face changes, like she’s just been hit with something. She probably has been. I haven’t called her that in so long. Not since I started hanging out with Glory. I used to call her Mama Deb when I arrived at the clubhouse at fourteen. Almost all the younger people called her that, so I started to as well. Not knowing she was probably the first real mother I had gained—and then lost.
“Oh, God,” she breathes, laughing and crying all at once. “I haven’t heard that in so long. I missed it. I missed you.” Her hand squeezes mine tighter.
Finally, she wipes her face and stands. “I’ll be back,” she says, her tone fierce even through the tremble. “Stay here. Heal.And I’ll get these men to behave themselves.”
I smile faintly. “Okay.”
She kisses my temple softly and heads for the door. When it clicks shut, I exhale and close my eyes.
Everything still hurts, but somehow, it’s the first time in years this kind of pain isn’t the only thing I feel. It’s more than that. I find myself planning, revising my life in my head. Understanding I am currently living a life that doesn’t necessarily fit me.
I feel determined. What a foreign feeling.
I didn’t even know the plans I had concocted in those stupid little daydreams could be real.
But now, they will be.
FIVE
Ruin
“I get you’re the Prez, Wolf. And you’ll have to make difficult decisions all the time,” my dad grits out, jerking a finger toward the infirmary. “But that’s your fucking sister.”
Wolf doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch. He stares at the desk like it holds the answers he doesn’t have. His eyes are hollowed out with so much goddamn guilt, it’s leaking out of his skin.
“I thought…” His voice cracks. He clears his throat. “Torch, I was—I was wrong. I should’ve…”
I glance at my dad, the club’s former VP. Pacing in the office he once ran with Savage, our last Prez. Wolf and Charlie’s father.
No one speaks for a while and the silence is brutal.
