“Fine,” she snaps. “Be ready by nine. Nolan will be here.”
I lock myself in the bathroom and stare at my reflection. I know how this ends. Sooner or later, I give in. Not because I want her, but because numb is easier than alone. And because if I push her too far, Nolan will make sure I remember how shitty withdrawal feels like. Being a slave to a substance is so fucking brutal. I hate myself for ever doing anything to begin with.
The shower runs long enough that I’m somewhat surprised that the hot water hasn’t run out. I stand under the scalding stream until my skin burns and my thoughts smear together. I keep my head bowed, letting the heat pound the back of my neck. I don’t think about anything. I’m trying to recede into myself as best as I can at this point. I feel like the world's biggest bitch. Because what else could explain that I let people run my life? Granted, I have blackmail and the threat of withdrawals keeping me in line. But would prison be much worse than this? Death?
When I finally shut the water off, my hands are red and shaking. I dry off, drag on a plain gray T-shirt and jeans, and step back into the suite with my hair still damp. Adriana is already dressed. Black jeans. A white sweater that clings like it was designed for her body specifically. Black boots with a heel sharp enough to draw blood. Her auburn hair is down, makeup clean. She looks expensive and polished. Almost respectable.
Better than her usual trashy look.
Laughter floats in from Nolan’s place—female, bright, careless. Then the door opens without a knock, and Nolan strolls in like an asshole, his blonde hair slicked back and suit perfectly tailored. His blue eyes are bright with amusement as two women linger behind him in the hall, both with dark hair and red lips. They laugh at something he murmurs quietly, then drift away down the corridor.
“Jesus,” I mutter, watching them go. “You running a brothel next door, or is this just cultural immersion?”
Nolan’s mouth curves. “Alexei has the best contacts,” he says easily. “Women included.”
Adriana snorts.
Nolan’s gaze flicks between us, settling on her for a moment with venom.
I can feel her flinch.
“Trouble in paradise?” he asks with a tilt of his head.
She recovers quickly. “We’re okay, I just want my boy to give me attention.”
My jaw tightens, but I keep my face blank.
“I can give you attention, baby,” he says with a wink.
She stiffens this time.
Nolan’s smile stays in place, but his eyes sharpen as they slide to me. He looks me over like I’m a disappointment. “You need tobehave, kid,” he says calmly. "Moscow isn't Portland."
I shrug and move past them, dragging a stool out from the kitchen island and sitting. The marble is cold beneath my forearms. I focus on that. Anything except the twisting in my stomach. “What’s the plan?” I ask.
“We’ve got an event tonight,” Nolan says. “No performing. Leave the guitar here. This is just about showing face. Meeting people. Alexei wants to introduce us.”
“People like who?” Adriana asks.
Nolan smiles at her. “Real players. Real empires. We’re not dabbling anymore. We’re likely going to be stepping back from tour-laundering.”
“Why is my presence required anymore, then?” I ask quickly. "If Dissonance is dead, then I should be useless to you."
“Eh, Alexei wants you. Says you’re good for solo performances among other things,” he pauses, tilting his head. “He loves that anger of yours.”
I bite the inside of my cheek again and exhale slowly, practicing control.
Adriana sighs. “Guess I need to go find a pretty little dress.” Her voice drops, her gaze locking with mine. “Oneyoucan easily take off me.”
Nolan winks. “Now you’re thinking.”
She grabs her coat and bag, already halfway out the door. I don’t know if he realizes she was taking a dig at him. I’m not stupid, I know that Nolan’s had his way with her. She seems extra rebellious, catty, and obsessed with me after that happens. Like she can use me to erase him. Honestly, she’s just as fucked up as I am. Probably more, considering her disregard for other’s feelings most of the time. I at least still give a shit about people.
Nolan turns to me with a venomous smile. “Adriana’s a beautiful woman, Jude.”
I curl my fingers into fists. “Yeah.”
He throws his hands up, seemingly filled with annoying energy after all the sex he’s been having. “Let’s not start this on a bad note. Alexei gave you the car. Set you up in this penthouse. You’ve got all the money, drugs, and pussy you could possibly want.”
