Adriana’s mouth opens and closes, conflicted.
The meth is only adding to my annoyance. “I almost miss the cunt who raped me. At least that bitch was selfish and didn’t want to dig into my life so long as I fucked her. She had norealinterest in me. It’s almost fucking laughable that you care now, you know that? When you’re not at the top of the power totem pole anymore.”
Her eyes widen as I start to lose my grip.
“I left the woman I love years ago. Andjustwhen I had her back...this shit fucking happens. I can neverbewith her. I can neverloveher,marryher, or give her the life I always wanted to give her.I’m fucking trapped.Andyou’repart of the reason for that.” Fury clouds my vision. “I’m losing myself, Adriana. Alexei’s stealingeverythingfrom me. Nolan before that. And you?” I bark a laugh. “You’ve done your fair share. I don’t want to be here. I don’twantyou. You’re a warm body to fuck when I just want to rip my goddamn veins out and bleed all over the floor.That’s it.”
A frown pulls at her lips like she’s about to cry. “I’m sorry.” Her voice is quiet.
I lean back, my attention returning to the movie. My heart is racing. Part of me hates myself for lashing out at her. I’m losing it.
She lets out a small breath, and then she settles back against the cushion. “Use me.”
I glare at her. “What?”
Her eyes are watery. “Use me then, Jude. If it helps you deal with life, then fucking do it. I always did it.”
I shake my head. “Ugh, christ—”
“You know why I was all over you for the past eight years?” She stands, her body trembling like she’s about to explode. “I wasforcedinto this life, too. And you were the only good thing. The one person I actuallyliked.”
I watch her, the meth simmering in my blood.
“I hadnoright to abuse you. And for that, I’m so, so sorry, Jude. Seriously. I got caught up in the fucking role Nolan had me play. And I know nothing I say or do could make up for that. But I was living in my own personal hell. Nolan usedme. Again and again. And now, I’m getting stared at in the same hungry way that he always looked at me.” Tears start falling from her cheeks.“It was fucked up for me tohidefrom my traumas in you. I get that.”
My gaze doesn’t waver, but my chest suddenly feels tight.
She’s openly crying now. “I was fifteen when Nolan found me.”
My jaw clenches. I never knew exactly how they got into business together. I had always assumed she was just another venomous snake in the industry.
Adriana sniffs. “I was fifteen and wanted to be an actress. It was all I ever wanted, and I thought I was good at it. I had to act all the time, anyway. My mother was always high, and my dad let his friends come into my room.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, allowing her the space to keep going.
“I pretended to be happy when I wanted to die. So when Nolan scouted me in LA...I was so grateful. I washappy. I thought that maybe I’dfinallyescape. But, no.” She pauses, a tear falling down her cheek. “I went with him to a party where I was supposed to meet people for a possible voiceover role for some cartoon.” She hugs herself, her chest beginning to rise and fall like she’s about to hyperventilate. “He g—he gave me drinks and the next thing I knew, I woke up in some bed with him. He told me he’d kill me if I didn’t stay with him. And that he filmed me giving him a blowjob and him taking my…” she swallows. “He was my first inthatway.”
Nausea turns in my gut.Jesus fucking christ.
She hugs herself tighter. “H—he told me he’d release it on the dark web. That I would never be an actress once people saw me on t—there…doing what I did to him.”
I stand, towering over her, watching as she breaks.
“But he said if I just played this part, that he would give me money and I’d get the chance because he hadconnections. All I had to do was stay. And before I knew it, heownedme.” She sobs.
But I don’t reach for her. Not yet.
“So, yes, Jude,” she throws her arms up. “Please,pleasejust fucking use me. Becauseanytime I took from you was when I didn’t want to die myself. Even if I was fucked up for it. A lot of the times when I came into your hotel room just to sleep beside you was after Nolan was finished with me. I feltsafewith you and Micah. I know we all weren't reallyfriends, but I just felt s—safe.”
That’s when I stop thinking altogether. I pull her into me, both arms wrapping around her. She gasps, then collapses against my chest, her hands clutching at my shirt as the first quiet sob shakes through her.
“It’s okay,” I murmur, even though I don’t know if it is. “I see you.”
She cries harder at that, face pressed into my shoulder, apologies tumbling out between breaths. I don’t try to stop them. I don’t ask questions. I don’t tell her I forgive her because I don’t. I just hold her, letting the movie play on behind us like background noise.
“Th—there’s something else,” she whimpers. “Please. I hate that I—”
“Stop,” I say quietly. “Enough for tonight. Let’s just lie down.”
