“I’m serious,” she insists. “Alexei is different.”
“No fucking shit.”
She swallows. “I don’t think Nolan understands how dangerous this really is.”
I finally turn my head enough to look at her through the glass. Her arms are folded tight across her chest, nails digging into her skin. She looks…scared. It pisses me off more than if she were just cruel. I’m at least used to that.
“So what,” I say flatly. “Now you’reworriedabout me?”
Her eyes flick to mine. “Yes.”
I shut the water off hard, the silence ringing in my ears. I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. “Don’t do that,” I snap.
She flinches. “Do what?”
“Don’t act like you actually care about me,” I say. “You’ve done too much to me for that shit.”
Her mouth opens, then closes again. She looks like she wants to argue.
“Whatever this is,” I continue, stepping closer. “It’s notconcern. It’s notguilt. It’sfear.And it’s not even for me—it’s for you. I see right through you. I always have.”
“That’s not—”
“You don’t get to rewrite history now,” I cut in. “You don’t get to touch me whenever you want and then suddenly decide you’re on my side. I fuck you because Ihaveto. Otherwise, you and Nolan would make my life worse than it already is.”
Her eyes turn red and glassy, like she’s holding back tears. “I just didn’t think he’d go that far.”
I laugh again, short and humorless. “Oh, so you and Nolan can use and abuse me all you want. But when a bigger dog with bigger jaws tears into me, you don’t like it?”
Silence crashes down between us.
She steps closer, hesitates, then stops herself. “I don’t want him to break you.”
I meet her eyes fully now, letting her see how empty I feel. “He already is.”
She bites the inside of her cheek.
I turn away, grabbing clean clothes from the counter. “You should go to bed,” I say. “You’re not helping.”
She lingers a second longer, like she wants to say something else. An apology, maybe. A confession. Something that might make this moment mean more than it should. But she doesn’t. The door clicks shut behind her. And I’m left standing there, rage still throbbing through every inch of me. Her sudden concern for me doesn’t change what they’ve done to me.
Or what I’m becoming because of it.
I sit on the edge of the bed, imagining that my legs are dangling over an endless void.
I wonder if that’s what death will be like.Just...darkness.
The carpet presses into the soles of my feet, grounding me here. My knuckles are split from fighting back tonight. Blood is crusted beneath my nails, but I don’t feel like doing anything about it tonight. I’m tired.
I breathe in through my nose. Out through my mouth. Behind me, there’s a faint rustle of fabric. Adriana crosses the room with a glass of water and sits on the bed. But she doesn’t touch me. Thank fuck. I stare at the far wall, jaw locked so tight it could crack a molar. Every time I blink, I see Alexei’s fucking face, grinning like he doesn’t believe I would ever spill his blood on that concrete floor.
I will one day.
My hands curl into fists at my sides. I force them open. Then closed again.
Adriana’s fingers touch my arm—just the tips. I flinch before I can stop myself.
“Stop,” I snap, then immediately clamp my mouth shut.
