My dad’s voice wavers as he asks, “How long have you been...back in town?”
“Couple weeks.”
“Tour ended?”
“Yeah. Well, paused.”
He doesn’t push further. He knows better. He knows there are pieces of the story I’m not ready to touch, not even with fucking gloves.
“How’s work been for you guys?” I ask as casually as I can. My mother is one of the most well-known Mohs surgeons in western Oregon, operating her own practice between here and Portland. Dad is an airline pilot.
Mom grins. “Everything is going very well, sweetie.”
Dad huffs. “Work is work. I just went to Santorini last month. It was beautiful. They filmed your sister’s favorite movie aroundthere somewhere, I think.” He snapped his fingers, trying to remember.
“Mama Mia?” I ask, raising a dark brow.
“Yup, that’s the one,” he chuckles.
I chew my lip for a moment, remembering a movie night where Vanessa and her friends woke me up at three a.m. singing along to that damn movie. More like, screaming, really.
My mother nods toward Emma. “I’m glad you have support,” she whispers. “We thought—” She pauses, thinking. “We thought we lost you.”
“You didn’t,” I say, even though part of me isn’t sure it’s true. I hate the idea of lying to them, but I’ve got to give them something.
She reaches across the table and takes my hand again. Her fingers are warm. Small. “I love you,” she whispers. “No matter what. You hear me?”
My throat burns. I nod because speaking feels like I could start crying.
Emma’s hand rests lightly on my thigh under the table,reminding me I’m not going through this alone.
My dad clears his throat. “If you’re willing...we’d like to see you more if you’re sticking around here for a while. Vanessa would love to see you.”
“Dad—”
“You don’t have tostay,”he adds quickly. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. But just knowing you’re alive—” He exhales through his nose. “That would be enough for her.”
I glance at Emma, who gives me the slightest nod. “I’ll try,” I manage.
After a while, my mom insists on making tea for everyone, even though no one asked for it. She and Emma disappear into the kitchen, leaving my dad and me in the living room. Hewatches me for a long moment, studying me. Then he nods his head toward the sliding glass door to the back porch. “Walk with me?”
My stomach flips, but I follow him.
The ocean air hits me the second we step outside. It always used to clear my head, but now it just stings. The porch lights cast a soft glow over the deck, and the waves crash softly against the dock. The dock that has experienced some of the best days of my life.
We stand at the railing, shoulder to shoulder. The silence between us is different from the one inside. It feels heavier, and...honest.
“You look tired,” he says finally.
I huff a bitter laugh. “I am.”
He nods, hands gripping the wooden railing. The veins stand out along his forearms. He’s a strong man, my father. But right now, he looks older to me. Not weak, just...human in a way I never really saw before.
“I wasn’t sure you’d ever come back,” he admits. His voice is quiet, almost lost to the wind. “But I’m glad you did. This visit means everything to your mom.”
My throat tightens. “I didn’t think I could,” I say. “I didn’t want you to see me like this. It’s been, uh...” I trail off. “It’s been really rough, Dad.”
He turns his head, hazel eyes sharp. “Jude...we knew you weren’t okay. We didn’t need to see it to know.”
