What am I doing? Why am I here? I’m going to break her heart. I’m going to destroy her for good.
Her voice is quiet when she pulls me out of my spiral. “You used.”
I grit my teeth. “No, I—” I stop. Lying to her would feel like crushing a goddamn bunny. I shake my head, stare at the floor. “Yeah.”
Her eyes shine. “Jude…”
“Don’t.” My voice breaks on the word. I scrub a hand over my face, pacing like I can outrun the weight closing in on me. “Please don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you still believe in me.” My laugh is sharp and ugly. “I’m not him anymore, Emma. I don’t care how hard you try to look, he’s not fucking there.”
Her face remains blank, her professionalism taking over.
“And if you keep loving me like he’s still in here somewhere,” I add quietly, “I’m going to take you down with me.”
Annoyance with her and me bubble up inside me, and I need to clench my fists to calm down.
She stands, her blanket slipping from her shoulders. “Idocare. I’ve never stopped.”
I laugh, but it’s hollow. “You shouldn’t.” My heart beats heavily behind my ribs. I’m starting to freak out. My heart is pounding.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She takes a step closer. “I didn’t stop caring just because you left.”
“I don’t know why you didn’t,” I say flatly. “Like I said before, I left you for a reason.”
“Then tell me what could possibly—”
“I didn’t want to ruin you,” I snap, too loud. My hands tremble again, not from withdrawal this time, but from everything I’ve been holding back. “You were light, Emma. Youarelight. And me? I’m just the fucking darkness that follows it around. That will smother and destroy it. It’s inevitable, don’t you get that?”
Her breath stutters, and for a moment, I swear she might cry.
Good. Cry and scream and throw me out of this beautiful, peaceful life you’ve built.Please.Because I don’t know if I have the fucking strength to walk away from you again, even if I know it’s for your own good.
Instead, she crosses the space between us slowly, until she’s right in front of me. Her voice shakes. “You’re not dark, Jude. You’re just lost.”
I close my eyes. I want to pull her in, to forget everything for just one night. But if I touch her, I won’t stop.
So I step back. “You should eat before it gets cold.”
Her face softens, but the sadness stays. “Will you stay?”
I hesitate, caught in her gaze, drowning in it. Then I nod once. “Yeah. For a little while.”
She smiles faintly and turns toward the couch, and I exhale, as if it might steady my high ass.
Chapter fifteen
EMMA EASTON
I don’t know what hurts more—seeing him again, or seeing him likethis. He’s sitting across from me on the couch now, pretending to care about a slice of pizza he hasn’t even touched.
He’s somewhere else. Somewhere dark.
I take a small bite just to fill the silence. I’m used to long, drawn-out quiet when I’m with my clients. Sometimes they’ll just sit with me and never say a word. But even that can be enough. Sharing space so it doesn’t feel like you’re the only one holding up the roof.
“You can crash here if you want,” I say softly. “The couch is quite comfortable.”
