I slide the needle into the familiar patch of ruined skin on the inside of my elbow. The pinch barely registers anymore. I depress the plunger. The chemical fire hits my bloodstream instantly, a hot rush flooding every vein, blooming behind my eyes.
For a moment, just long enough to breathe, I feel nothing.Then the high crashes over me. Relief, electricity, a punch of invincibility that spreads down my spine like molten fucking metal.
My jaw unclenches. My lungs open. The world sharpens. I shut my eyes and exhale, tipping my head back toward the cold bathroom tile. My heart thunders too fast, but I welcome it. It means I can make it through this meeting without losing my shit.
No. That’s a lie. I just won’t lose it in awaythey’ll punish. My phone buzzes on the counter.
MICAH
You okay in there?
I ignore it. Another buzz seconds later.
MICAH
Jude, please be careful.
That one makes me frown. Guilt. Annoyance. Love. All of it tangled in an infuriating knot. The audacity to worry about me when he just used an hour ago. I close my hand around the phone until my knuckles go white, then drop it face-down and stand.
Time to go.
The warehouse Alexei picked tonight is near the docks. It’s a long concrete building that smells like rust and the Willamette River. The second I step inside, the hairs on the back of my neck rise.
A lion’s den.
Alexei stands near a folding table, as if it’s a conference room rather than a dimly lit industrial gutter. He’s in a tailored coat, gloves still on. With him, of course, are Nolan and Adriana.
Nolan looks smug, and Adriana looks agitated as per usual.
Alexei’s eyes land on me, and the corner of his mouth curves. “Little rockstar,” he says. “Right on time.”
My pulse kicks harder from the meth, but my face stays blank. Controlled. At least on the surface.
Nolan steps forward, hands in the pockets of his expensive coat. “You look strung out,” he says with a laugh. “Fuck, Jude. Couldn’t even stay clean for one meeting, huh?”
My jaw ticks. “Couldn’t stay sober in a room with you? No,” I say. “I couldn’t.”
Nolan’s smile widens. Adriana’s gaze lifts sharply to mine, a quick warning flashing in her eyes. Alexei clicks his tongue once. “Play nice,” he murmurs. He nods toward me. “Besides, you’re probably exhausted from fucking those girls at your house the other night.”
My stomach drops. Ice replaces the heat of the meth.
Adriana goes still, her possession of me tensing every one of her muscles.
Alexei’s smile widens. “Pretty thing. Doe eyes. Sweet voice.” He tilts his head. “Interesting atmosphere you’ve created in that little house of yours, Jude.”
I don’t even think. The words pour out of me. “That bitch was Micah’s.” It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever said. I know it. I feel it. And I hate myself immediately for it.
Alexei studies me like I’m an insect pinned under glass. “Mm,” he hums. “Is that so?”
Nolan barks a laugh. Adriana’s jaw clenches.
Alexei turns away from me, leisurely removing his gloves finger by finger. “Let’s get to business,” he says. “I have a man who has become…” He gestures vaguely. “A problem. For both Mr. Marshall...” He nods at Nolan. “And myself.”
Nolan steps closer, grinning like he has no fucking idea he’s on this man’s leash just as much as I am. “You’re going to take care of it,” he says.
“Tonight,” Alexei adds. “With some of my men.”
My stomach knots.
