Heather lets out a smug little hum. Micah clears his throat like they’re both pretending not to notice the way I stared at her.
“Breakfast is almost done,” I say, trying to sound like a normal functioning human.
“You cooked?” she says, smiling softly. “That’s...new. You never cooked before.”
“That’s what I said,” Micah jokes.
I shrug. “I can cook, you idiots.”
She crosses the kitchen and wraps her arms around my waist from behind, pressing her cheek between my shoulder blades. Her warmth soothes me, but the guilt hits harder. I cover her hands with mine anyway, weaving my fingers through hers.
If I could freeze this moment, I would.
We sit around the kitchen island once it’s all done—bacon, pancakes, eggs, fruit cut into neat chunks by Heather because I suck at that.
Micah pokes at his plate. “Damn. This is actually fire.”
“Don’t act surprised,” I tell him.
“I’malwayssurprised when you succeed at domestic things, rockstar,” he says.
Heather elbows him, and Emma giggles. She sits close enough that her bare knee brushes mine every time she shifts. She keeps stealing pieces of bacon off my plate, pretending she’s not. She looks at me between bites like she still can’t believe last night was real.
I check my phone under the counter. No missed messages. No orders. No demands. It looks like no one owns me today. At least yet.
“So,” Heather says through a mouthful of pancakes. “Do you guys want to go to the beach tomorrow? I am actually off. And, we need one last sunburn before October officially murders us.” She shows us her phone screen to reveal the forecast. “The weather is supposed to bereallygood.”
“Agreed,” Micah says. “Jude needs vitamin D. He’s been looking extra emo lately.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re insufferable.”
Emma rests her chin in her hand, studying me. “You free tomorrow?”
I look at her hopeful smile, at the tiny smear of syrup near her mouth she hasn’t noticed yet, at the life I want so fucking badly that it hurts.
“Yeah,” I say. “Looks like I might be.”
Her smile widens. “Yay. A little beach outing will feel like we’re officially together again.” She leans forward to pour herself more water, and Micah’s gaze darts to mine for the briefest moment. But I just offer a small smile.
Chapter thirty
JUDE GRAVES
The salty wind fills my lungs as I step onto the sand. It’s October 5th and the sun is soft, reminding me of all the beach days we used to have together. I glance over at Emma, her hair whipping around her face in the wind, and my chest tightens. She’s laughing with Heather, chasing a frisbee, completely alive and unaware of the shadows that trail Micah and me. And I want to keep it that way. I keep checking my phone to ensure I’m left alone.
Micah and Heather are bickering as he plops down beside me. I lean back on my hands, watching Emma run, feeling the pull of her, like gravity itself bends toward her. I can’t help but smile,letting myself breathe for a moment. The sand under my bare feet is cool, a nice contrast to the sun beating on my skin.
When she finally collapses on the blanket on my other side, I drape my arm across her shoulders, pulling her close. She rests her head on my chest, and I feel truly happy.
I keep an eye on Micah and Heather, now laughing and building a ridiculous sandcastle that’s already getting destroyed by rogue waves. Their energy is chaotic, messy, and fun. I genuinely couldn’t have imagined a better match, now that I’ve seen them together. Micah is undoubtedly in trouble because he’s about to fall head over heels for my girl’s best friend. And the sick reality of all of this—what we both know—is that we could be ripped away fromthem at any moment if Nolan decides it.
I pull the Polaroid from my pocket that I bought when we stopped for snacks on our way here. “For memory,” I say with a smile, though I mostly mean for me. Something I can look at later when I’m back in some shitty hotel room, high and restless, and remember this. I angle the camera toward the four of us, messy and happy, and the shutter clicks.
Later, as the sun begins its slow descent toward the horizon, I nudge Emma, my lips brushing her temple. “Want to go for a walk before dinner?” I murmur.
She nods, and I hook my arm around her waist, guiding her toward the tide. The cold water laps at our ankles, sharp enough to sting, but she presses closer, threading her fingers through mine like it’s instinct. Like it’s still allowed. As perfect as the weather is, none of us has really gone in the water.
We walk in silence for a bit, listening to the melody of the ocean beside us. There’s something sitting heavy on my tongue—something I almost say. A promise...or a warning. A truth I don’t know how to give her without shitting on this moment. So I keep walking and holding her hand.
