“I can’t,” I rasp.
She shakes her head. “Why? What’s—”
“I—” My voice breaks. “I’m sorry.”
I stand too fast, pulse slamming so hard that I feel dizzy. I grip the couch arm to steady myself. Emma watches, wide-eyed and calm, trying to help. It makes everything worse.
“Hey,” she says, stepping closer. “What’s wrong?”
Everything.
The craving gnaws at me with dull teeth. It’s not a sharp pain, exactly, but horrible all the same. “I can’t...I can’t do this right now,” I whisper, voice tight.
Her breath stutters. Not angry, just scared. “Do what?”
“Be here. I—messing up coming here. I shouldn’t have—”
She frowns. “No, it’s okay.”
My hands are trembling worse, so I shove them in my pockets. She tries to step closer, but I flinch. It’s barely a twitch, but her face falls like I slapped her.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, barely audible. Then I turn.
I hear her breath hitch behind me, like she’s choking back a sob. It’s the worst sound in the world.
I make it down the walkway on autopilot. My vision blurs, and I scrub angrily at my eyes. By the time I slide into my car, my hands are shaking so hard I drop the keys twice.
I slam the door and let out a guttural, cracked sound. “Fuck.”
My fist connects with the steering wheel. Once. Twice. Again. The horn blares with every hit, loud and useless. My chest caves in. I rest my forehead against the wheel, and the tears come. Shame. Need. Fear. Everything is spilling out at once. My phone buzzes again, and I don’t want to look. But I do anyway.
ADRIANA
Out? Where are you? Get back to the house.
My stomach rolls. I close my eyes. I hate myself. I hate that I’m driving away from theonlyperson who makes me feel safe. And Ihatethat I’ve already had sex with Emma, knowing damn well the snake still has its fangs in me.
Emma knows that.
Still...it hurts.
I love her.
I love her I love her I love her…
I start the car, and the Audi rumbles beneath me. My hands won’t stop shaking. I wipe my face with my sleeve, drag in a broken breath, and pull out onto the dark road.
I’m going home to the only thing I know will silence this.
Even if it fucking kills me.
Chapter twenty-five
JUDE GRAVES
The moment I push through the front door, everything inside me cracks apart.
Micah is passed out on the couch, blanket half on the floor, the TV casting a faint blue glow across the room. He stirs when the door clicks shut, pushing himself upright, squinting.
