“And she liked you,” he sighed.
I scoffed. “Maybe, who knows.”
“No, don’t be like that, Jameson.” He harrumphed. “There are only a few things I can say for certain in this world, and that is one of them.”
I hung my head. “Doesn’t matter. I messed up, Hans. I…” I trailed off and ran a hand over my newly buzzed hair. I was too disappointed in myself to even let him know what happened this summer.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret: If it’s meant to be, you can’t mess it up.”
I pressed my palms into my eyes. “Don’t give me false hope. I don’t deserve it.”
“Well, thispart isn’t about you,” he said simply, making me look at him in confusion. “She can’t run forever, and when she has to stop, when she’sforcedto stop, it’s going to be hard. I just have a feeling…” His chin wobbled, shocking me. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to be there for her. I’m afraid I won’t be able to help this time.”
“This time?” Replaying his words, I was taken aback. “What do you mean? Why wouldn’t you be there for her?”
He pressed his thin lips together. “I’m old, Jameson.”
“Stop,” I automatically said. “No, you’re not.”
He arched a bushy eyebrow. “I am. And I need you to do something for me,” he said in a determined voice.
My eyebrows pulled together. “Yeah, sure, anything.”
“Be there for her, okay?”
I blinked at him. That was… That was an impossible ask. “Be there for Ali? I can try, but I don’t…” I shook my head. “I don’t know if she wants me to be.” I thought back to how she screamed at me to leave her room, how she said she never wanted to see me ever again. I fucked it too badly this time. There was no going back.
“Be there anyway,” he demanded before going into a coughing fit.
I patted him on the back, not too hard, because I didn’t want to hurt him. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try,” I said, feeling more confused than ever.
“Promise me, Jameson,” he said, his face red from coughing. “Please.”
“Yeah, it’s a promise.” My eyes drifted over him. “You feeling okay?”
He swallowed hard and nodded.
Right at that moment, a group of rowdy PeeWee hockey boys ran into the lobby with a soccer ball, calling for Hans.
“Ah, duty calls,” he said with a grin on his face.
“Want me to wait for you? We could grab some dinner?”
“No, that’s all right. I have a couple more things I want to get done here,” he said with a small smile.
“I can help,” I offered, standing from the bench.
He shook his head and laid a weathered hand on my shoulder. “No, I want you to get moving, Jameson. Take care now, all right?”
My eyebrows tugged together. “If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” He gave me a small smile as he shuffled over to the kids.
_________
The next morning, Hans was found slumped over on the bench facing Rink 1. He gave his whole heart to the rink; he gave it until it stopped beating.
18. JP – A FRIEND’S FUNERAL
