After instructing me to pack a bag, I looked at all my stuff, completely overwhelmed and paralyzed in indecision. He took action, grabbing clothes, leggings, and tops, not even skipping a beat when he grabbed my underwear to shove them in a duffel. Before leaving, he grabbed my skate bag and ushered me out.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I followed him into the cold, inky Michigan night.
As soon as I laid eyes on his old truck at the back of the parking lot, I teared up. I longed for the days of riding around in his shotgun seat, singing U2 together. There wouldn’t be singing tonight. Right then, it felt like there’d never be singing ever again.
Sinking into his shotgun seat was like accepting a warm hug from the past. With his scent wrapped around me like a safety net, and him in the driver’s seat, exhaustion hit me like a tidal wave, threatening to take me under. I didn’t know where we were going, and I didn’t care, I just wanted to fall into a deep sleep; the kind of sleep that had evaded me for the past full year.
“Ready?” he asked. As his eyes drifted over my face, taking in my eye and the marks around my throat, and his face clouded over with anger. But JP didn’t possess a wild anger that scared me. No. JP’s anger was controlled, pointed. Even though his body was trembling with rage and his fists were clenched, I knew he’d never hurt me.
“Yeah.” I nodded hurriedly. “Thank you.”
He nodded. “Your phone. We need to ditch your phone.”
I didn’t even question it. For better or worse, I placed all my trust in him because I was too tired to think anymore.
After fiddling with my phone for a minute, he tossed it in the grass outside. Then he opened his center console and handed me a brand new phone. “Here, this one has all your necessary contacts loaded up.”
Staring down at it, my brain whirled with a million questions. “You thought of this before tonight.” My eyes flicked to his side profile as he backed up out of his parking spot. “Didn’t you?”
He flexed his jaw. “Yeah,” he sighed. “I didn’t want to, but… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be right about him.” His eyes flicked to mine, and his nose flared with anger. He couldn’t look at me without getting pissed, and that hurt.
“I’m sorry,” my voice cracked.
His eyes flew wide. “No, Ali, I’m not mad at you,” he clarified. His eyes shifted between mine and the road. “It’s him. I could kill him,” he said in a hard voice. “How long has this been going on?”
Knowing I wasn’t the reason for his anger settled me a little, and I leaned against the window, thinking back to last year. “After Nationals was the first time it was bad, but—” I stopped myself from making an excuse for Mark. I finally realized there was no excuse for any of this.
JP closed his eyes and shook his head. “I should’ve gone to find you. I was there. I was in the stands, and I just…” He shook his head again.
My heart practically stopped. “You were there? You watched?”
“Yeah, I was there, Ali,” he sounded so pained. “I didn’t know if you’d want to see me.”
“I would’ve.” My heart squeezed in my chest. Ireallywould’ve. He showed up for me. He was always showing up for me, even in my worst moments. “Thank you, JP.”
He scoffed. “Nothing to thank me for. I wish…” He cleared his throat. His knuckles bled white as he squeezed his steering wheel. “I should’ve—” He cut himself off again.
“We’re not going to Chicago, are we?” I asked softly, changing the subject. I watched out the window as we passed the highway to head west.
He shifted in his seat, resting his elbow against the door to hold his jaw. When his eyes briefly flashed to mine, he looked caught in indecision. “No. Mer is out on tour. Her cruise ship is docking in Charleston in the morning. We’re going to meet her there. You can join her. If you want. You won’t be alone.”
He knew me.
I think he knew me even more than I knew myself… because I wasn’t sure I even knew me anymore. I completely abandoned the girl who had all those dreams back at Centre Ice. I shoved myself into a box. No. I let myself get shoved into a box by someone else.
My heart hammered in my chest. “Mer?” I whispered. I hadn’t talked to her all year. I hadn’t talked to any of my friends. I figured they hated me by now. The truth was, I didn’t talk to anyone because I didn’t want to upset Mark. It was easier to lie to my friends and tell them I was busy rather than having to fight with him. In doing so, I let him slowly isolate me away from everything and everyone I loved.
“Yeah.” He licked his lips. “Colt doesn’t even know I talked to her, and it’s probably for the best if we kept it that way.”
“Wait, what?” My head was spinning. “Why wouldn’t he know? They’re not together?”
He slowly shook his head. “Not since Nationals.”
My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach. If they couldn’t make it work, what hope did the rest of us have?
“Do you want to do this?” he pushed. “I just figured…” He held his scruffy jaw. “Rossi won’t be able to track you down this way. He’ll have no way of knowing where you are. He’d probably suspect you to be in Chicago with me.”
That was true. I fought myself from calling JP so many times in this past year because I didn’t want to bring my mess to his door. JP made it. He was living out his dream in the NHL, and I didn’t want to ruin it for him. Because Mark would ruin it. He ruined things. That’s what he did.
