The seat next to him was empty. She was probably in the bathroom.
Oh, God.
I dropped the curtain like it caught fire and pressed my fingers into my eyes. He booked a romantic getaway with a girlfriend—or worse, a fiancée. I’d seen countless engagements in the last decadewhile touring, and while I was always happy for the couples, there was always a little pinch in my chest. Seeinghimpropose would absolutely end me. It would rip my heart clean out of my body. My breathing went ragged. My eyes stung. My limbs suddenly felt heavy, like I was just hit by a truck of sadness.
C’mon, Ali. Get over yourself, I internally screamed. This was JP. I wanted him to be happy, I desperately wanted that for him. He was one of the best guys I’d ever known, and he deserved happiness. But while I wanted him to get everything he ever wanted—the house, the wife, the kids, the dog—Ididn’t want to see it. In fact, I didn’t want to know a single thing about it. Even my best friends, Mer and Piper, barely ever mentioned him to me, which I knew was purposeful considering the fact that he was a constant in their lives back in Chicago.
The mental vision of him with another woman made me want to barf all over the ice. Suddenly feeling nauseous, I held my stomach. I wasn’t strong enough to see it. I knew I wasn’t being fair, but—
“Ali!”
My eyes flew to Desi standing on the other side of the ice from me.
“You haven’t changed yet?” she whisper-shouted at me with wide eyes. She was standing at the front of a line of skaters that I was supposed to be in.
Shit.
Rushing off the ice, I ran back to our locker room. I didn’t have time to take my skates off. My hands were shaking as I ripped off my dress, struggling to get it over my skates.
Everything’s fine,I told myself.His presence doesn’t change a single thing. The show must go on.Skaters were taught at a young age to drop their life at the boards, to not let anything affect them while they were skating. I was horrendous at it when I was young, but over the last decade of professional skating, I slowly mastered the ability to box everything up and shove it aside until I was done performing.
But tonight, all my mental skills abandoned me. My mind was racing through different hypotheticals at an alarming speed, making me feel like I was about to lose control.
Before leaving the locker room, I paused and made a deal with myself. Looking in the mirror, I pointed at my face.No looking in his direction or even thinking about him until you hit the Grand Finale.After that, then you could unpack all the messy emotions,I told myself.
Taking a steady breath, I plastered a fake-ass smile on my face and ran back out to the ice just in time for our group number.
And my little deal worked.
I avoided his gaze, and I forced myself to be fully present in my body as I performed the rest of my parts.
But the Grand Finale came way too quickly. While waiting behind the curtain, my stomach revolted.
“Okay, last program, guys! Everyone ready?” Sheri, our lead choreographer, asked.
No.I was not ready. Not at all.
I held my stomach. Nerves were overtaking my body.
“You okay?” Val, my skating partner, whispered.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied.
His dark eyes darted around my face, seeking out the lie. “You’re not fine,” he said, his eyebrows pulling together in concern. “What’s wrong?”
“No, I’m good,” I said with a tight laugh.
Val didn’t look convinced, but he reached to hold my hand anyway.
Going out for the Finale number, I tried hard to avoid looking in JP’s direction, but like a moth to a flame, I couldn’t help it. Right before the spotlights shut off, I snuck a glance at him.
His intense grey gaze was fixed right on me, a pleasant smile on his chiseled face.
As soon as the lights blacked out, the crowd erupted with applause.
I stole the opportunity to book it off the ice and sneak past the curtain. Some of my friends gave me curious glances, but no one stopped me. They probably just thought I had to pee—which wouldn’t be the first time. No one would care if I skipped out on the bows tonight.
Jumping off the ice, I hooked my skate guards onto my blades and wandered back to our changing room. As soon as I reached the quiet room, I plopped on the bench and held my head, breathing hard.
