After….
After, I’d have a little someone to share the ice with, and that made me kind of excited. I sat there thinking about what it’d be like to teach my own child how to skate… and I wondered if they’d take after me or Nick, or if they’d be a blend of the two of us. Each skater has their own unique stride, but I kinda hoped I’d see Nick’s stride in the way they skated…
“Sister!” I heard Duke’s voice yell out happily from ice level, interrupting my thoughts. “You see my sick goals!” He had his pre-game suit back on with the tie neatly back in place. The only thing off about his look was the hockey beanie sitting high up on his head over his shaggy hair.
I shook my head and grinned at him… he sounded just like his kid-self.
“Good hustle!” I yelled down to him.
Griff came up behind him and slapped him on the back. He had freshly showered hair, his shirt was untucked, and the sleeves were rolled up. His tie and suit jacket were missing altogether. I got a kick out of the fact that he hated wearing suits. Unlike most of the NHLers, who liked rockin’ different suit styles, he’d much rather roll in unnoticed and wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants.
The two of them bounded up to the stairs and then plopped in the stadium seats besideme.
“Can’t believe we just skated in front of all those people,” Duke said with awe in his voice. This was definitely his biggest audience. “Wanna get some drinks to celebrate? There’s a couple cool bars down the road.”
“Um…” I made eye contact with Griff and noticed he looked a bit hesitant too.
Duke rolled his eyes at us. “C’mon guys, you two are acting like old, lame people. Let’s live it up,” heurged.
I shot him a look then. “And how would you be getting into these bars anyway, Duke?” He was not 21 yet.
He shrugged and tried to hide a smile. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to, Sis.”
I felt my eyes bug out and swatted at him. He curled up in a ball to avoid my hits.
Griff laughed and his gravelly voice cut through our bickering, “Alright, well, I wouldn’t mind a burger if you can find a bar whose kitchen is still open.”
All of a sudden, that sounded like an amazing idea…
“Ooh… What about a cheeseburger? With some salty fries? Can we find one?” I asked eagerly.
Duke shot me a confused look and scratched his head. “Didn’t you just have a bunch of hot dogs? I swear I saw you eating them up here like every period, and I coulda sworn you always hated hot dogs.”
I felt my face turn red at that, but Griff smiled at me knowingly and patted my leg.
“Let’s get the lady a burger. I bet most kitchens close soon,” Griff said while standing up.
At our second bar of the night, I whispered into Griff’s ear asking him to inconspicuously order me a water. I hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet… including Duke… and I wanted to keep it a secret a little bit longer. Though, if Duke really thought about it, he could’ve probably started piecing thingstogether.
Griff gave me a knowing nod and I went to find a table forus.
This bar featured dueling pianos and a very happy crowd on the lower floor, and a DJ and dance floor on the upper level. I couldn’t help but think that Nick would’ve loved this kind of place, and I wondered if he ever wandered in here during his short stint with this team.
After Griff and Duke sat down, a couple other players and their girls joined our table. They all chatted while they watched the piano players. I was happy to be sitting across from Griff and next to Duke because I wasn’t feeling the most social.
It’s almost like with Nick’s death, the rose-colored glasses of my youth were ripped off my face. When you’re young, every new place feels magical and exciting. Things are just automatically romanticized. You don’t see the sticky floors, the sweating walls, and the drunk peoples’ sloppiness. You only see the bright neon lights. You want to join the dance floor and scream the words of “Mr. Brightside” in the strobe lights at the top of your lungs in the mix of the sweaty crowd. And when your lover looks at you with that almost possessive look in his eyes, like he just wants you so badly it physically hurts him… you dance a little more, just for him. And when he claims your mouth with his on the dance floor, you don’t feel the slightest bit of embarrassment… No, you just feel so crazy lucky in love with him that nothing else matters as you loop your arms around his neck and pull him closer. All you see, all you feel… is him. You live for that moment. It’s just all bright and happy and new.
It’s youth.
And once it’s over, it’s gone.
Just like a single, fleeting moment… You can’t pause it, and you can’t replay it…
I kinda wished I could have one last night of feeling totally enamored by a bar night… but I had a feeling that even if I tried to recreate it, it just wouldn’t be the same anymore. I had more worries now that I couldn’t be blind to, and a place like this just wasn’t my kind of fun anymore.
I wanted to go home, I wanted my bed, and I wanted a foot rub…
At one point I got up to use the bathroom– I was finding I had to pee all the time lately–and Griff caught my hand and wordlessly asked if everything was alright. I gave him a small smile and nodded towards the restroom sign.
