I took that as my cue to move over so she could lay on the chaise lounge part of the couch. I pulled the ottoman closer so that the couch looked like a huge bed. She wordlessly laid down at the furthest end away from me.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
I reached over and patted her leg, accepting the apology.
“I am too…” I rubbed a hand over my forehead, trying to choose my words carefully. “But Sav, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.”
She was quiet for a long time after that… but I could feel the tension coming off her in waves. I knew she was still lying awake, absorbed in her thoughts.
“Me and Nick argued about that.”
I blinked in the dark. I thought the two of them never argued… but now I realized that was probably a stupid assumption. All couples went through shit behind closed doors.
“About therapy?” I cleared my throat. “That makes a little more sense. You acted like Duke in a fight– went straight for the throat,” I tried to joke.
She didn’t laugh. “Yeah, I am sorry about that,” she paused. “Nick helped me, but I think he thought I needed more help sometimes. I just always felt embarrassed by it. So now when I hear it, it’s like…”
“A trigger?” I answered for her.
“Yeah.”
“I learned that in therapy,” I smirked at her.
“Really?” She soundedsurprised.
“Mhmm. The free kind at college… and ya know who should’ve been a therapist?”
She raised her eyebrows in question.
“Paige at the Ice League. She doled out some good life advice to us on those barstools in the diner.”
That got a laugh out of her. “She’d probably love to hear you and the rest of the hockey boys say that.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Maybe I’ll look for someone to talk to tomorrow.”
“Good…” I cleared my throat. “What did you need help with, if you don’t mind measking?”
She stared at me intensely for what felt like a whole minute before answering, almost like she was trying to decide whether or not to tell me.
“Eating.” It sounded like she almost choked on the word. “I’ve never told anyone, so don’t…”
I patted her leg again. She had to know she didn’t need to say that to me.
“After skating…” she paused. “It’s hard when you stop playing a sport. It’s like your identity and body shift at the same time. When I moved here it was a lot to handle. I’m fine now. Just every once in a while it kinda slams into me.”
I thought back to Nick’s letter then. That line about taking her to places that didn’t have the calorie count on the menu made a hell of a lot more sense now. I folded my hands behind my head and looked to the ceiling to silently thank Nick for leaving me all these little clues in how to love her for me…
“Well, I’m always here for you, Sav,” I told her.
Later in the night, I found that one of us, or both, had moved, and she was cuddling against me.
I felt her shiver and I pulled the blanket higher up and slung an arm around her stomach.
As we slept next to each other with Beau peacefully snoozing by our feet, I couldn’t get over howrightit felt.
44. Sav - March
Griff and I had been seeing a lot of eachother.
It was almost like we were teenagers again, always hanging out… In a way, it was kind of strange because growing up, it was rarely just the two of us. But in another way, it was nice because he was someone I didn’t have to entertain. I never felt like I had to fill the quiet spaces between us. We could just be.
