Damn. The Ice League. I fuckin miss that place. I miss who we were there. I miss being on top of the world with my best friend, best girl, and best lil brother. That was my dream come true really. You asked why I didn’t go to the O-league or anywhere else sooner - that’s why. Because that’s where I was happiest. If I could live those years over and over again for the rest of my life, I would. The NHL is great and all, but not as great as the Ice League era because you and Duke aren’t here - yet.
But remember that pact we made when we were squirts back in Canada? We said we’d always stick together and be there for each other before anyone else, right? I’m taking you up on that even in the afterlife, bud. Now that I’m a goner, there’s some stuff I need to ask of you.
Here’s the thing, I’m happy. I’m super happy with how my life turned out. But if there’s one thing I regret, it’s Savannah- and not the way you think, so hang on a sec and let me explain. Also, please don’t let her see this (unless necessary, it’s up to you).
So, I know that you liked her too. After that first night of meeting her, I kind of felt it. And, I know you saw her first in the stands at Duke’s game. So, you really should’ve had dibs. But I just couldn’t give her up. I had to use up my time here and make the most of it. And she was The Most. She was the absolute best. I am so fucking lucky that I got to fall so deeply in love with her and be completely loved by her. She’s my fucking world. My whole world. But here’s the thing… I’m afraid I’m her whole world too… and I just still have that feeling I’m gonna kick it one of these days. So, I’ve worked hard to set her up the best way I could- all that financial shit and stuff should be all set… but I’m still fucking worried about her.
Remember how you used to ride your little red bike to my house at night because you didn’t want to be alone in your dark house when your dad was gone on a bender? I think of that sometimes… Because I think that’s how Sav will feel without me… I’m terrified she’ll be on a bike with nowhere to go.
I think you and Sav have a lot in common… And in a weird way, maybe that’s why we got along so well. She’s like a guy version of you… And maybe the two of you could be even happier than what we have. But please at least get her a puppy from me so she’s not alone. She hates being alone when I leave for road trips.
Please tell her it’s okay to move on.
I hope I’m not her only love. I really fuckin hope not. Please tell her it’s okay to love more than one person and be loved by more than one person. She gave me a chance in the beginning, so she’ll have to give another lucky bastard a chance one day… maybe that’ll be you. Maybe not, and that’s okay… just as long as she’s not alone, I’ll be happy.
Now, I would write her a letter too, but I’d probably sob like a fuckin baby. I don’t think I can do it. So… could you please tell her this stuff for me? I can’t tell you exactly how to say all this or how to even comfort her when I’m gone, but I know you can do it.
One piece of advice- don’t try to be me for her, man, because you’re fuckin great yourself. Don’t forget that. Just be yourself and trust your gut. Maybe I got to be her first love… but you can be her last. I know you can do it. I mean, technically you have to- I’m bringing up the pact to remind ya that you have to at least try, buddy boy.
I fuckin love ya man.
And damn, I’m fucking happy with the world we created for ourselves. From what we came from to what we have now? We fuckin did it.
You’re my boy Griffy. Thanks for a great life, thanks for being a great best friend, and please watch over our fam.
-Nick Johns
PS- some helpful Savannah tips:
When she’s scared, start making jokes. Even dark ones- because then she’ll look at you all shocked with her mouth dropped open and she’ll forget to be scared.
When she starts getting obsessed with counting calories, take her out to eat. Take her to places where they don’t stupidly put the count on the menus.
When she’s on her period, give her the heating pad under the bathroom counter. Rub her back and let her boss you around. She gets bad cramps, but she won’t want to tellyou.
Convince her to go skating with you every once in a while, just for fun. She forgets she loves it sometimes.
I sat my ass down on his locker room bench and my whole body shook with tears, making me feel like a damn baby.
My mind still couldn’t wrap around the fact that it wasn’t fair.
He died without even knowing he was going to be a father…
Then again… he did give her the ultimate gift… a way to never be alone…
… And he knew I liked Sav all those years back at the Ice League? Why hadn’t he told me? That would’ve saved me from so much self-loathing.
And seeing in his handwriting that he knew something was going to happen to him… How could that be?
I reread the name Griffy Boy and could hear his voice. I could hear his laugh. I could see his quick smile.
How could he just begone?
I heard someone open the locker room door then, and I did my best to wipe my face and look unaffected, but I knew it was probably no use.
When I looked back up, I was met head on with Nick’s Coach.
He stood squarely in front of me, and his gray eyes narrowed in on mine.
