How would she ever be okay after this?
Would she go home to Minnesota?
I had a feeling she wouldn’t want to. I had a feeling she’d want to stay right here in Detroit… But would that be healthy for her?
I wanted to stay and help her pick up the pieces of her life… but at the same time, I felt like I wasn’t even allowed to look ather.
I wished I never had one thought about her… because now it felt like I somehow caused this… Like had I somehow wished this on Nick because I loved Sav? There’s no fucking way. But still…
I kept her in my heart for so many years… always comparing every girl to her, but never fully admitting it to myself because she was Nick’s girl. Now that Nick wasn’t here… there’s no fucking way I’d walk in on that… There’s no way I’d try to take Nick’s love.
But I had to be there for her. I mean fuck, she was my friend too. She was like family to me. We spent almost every single holiday at her house since we were eighteen. I had to keep that at the front of my mind.
I needed to be there for her as a friend, nothing else.
My phone rang then, cutting off my thoughts, and I saw Duke’s name appear on the screen.
“Hey, bud,” I drawled.
I heard him breathe on the other end of the line, like he was puffing up his chest to get ready to move in on me. “Ya know, what you did last night took some real nerve, Griff-”
“I know. I was an ass,” I quickly supplied. “How is she?” I didn’t have to say her name. He knew who I was concerned about.
He paused for a long moment, like he wasn’t sure how much he should tell me after my whole drunk spectacle last night… But we were family at the end of the day.
“She’s not good, man. I don’t know how to help her. I don’t want to leave, but now Toledo called for me.”
“No shit?” The minor league team in Toledo was part of Detroit’s organization. It was two leagues away from the NHL and a hell of a solid opportunity for him. From Toledo, he’d try to be called up to the AHL team in Grand Rapids, and then potentially, the Detroit Crewmen. I was actually kind of jealous of him. Toledo was only an hour from here… unlike California, which was a daunting 32-hour-drive away.
“I’d have to leave today,” he said. “I don’t know, man. Maybe I should just pass on it. I don’t know what-”
“No,” I cut him off. Nick wouldn’t want him to stay here and lose out like that… He also wouldn’t want Sav to be alone, but I had a week to figure things out. I would handle it. I had a feeling that Nick would want me to. “I’ll stay here with her for a bit. I need to apologize… profusely. I’m not sure I want to head back anyway. I have a couple calls to make.”
He paused on the other end of the line. “Really? Nohockey?”
“I’m not sure man,” I told him. What I didn’t want to say aloud was that with Nick gone, it didn’t feel fair. It didn’t feel fair that I could keep on lacing up my skates and playing without him. “Anyway, I’ll watch out for Sav. I was planning on going over to see her today.”
“Thanks, man,” he said, sounding relieved.
After we said our goodbyes, I started moving slowly. My muscles were straining in protest, just wanting me to lay back down.
Looking in the mirror kind of shocked me because I’d completely forgotten about taking a punch to the eye until I saw the huge, ugly bruise on my face.
I really hoped the other guy lookedworse.
I internally lectured my own remorseful-looking reflection. I needed to get my shit together and stop drinking myselfstupid.
And I needed to earn Sav’s forgiveness for calling her a bitch on one of the worst days of her life.
Fuck. Me.
____
I knocked on Savannah’s door with breakfast in hand, but was left waiting in the cold for some time.
Looking up at their townhouse, I breathed in the cool air and tried to squash out all my regret… I regretted not coming to visit them more. I regretted not helping them move in here together. I regretted not being a larger part of their life here. While I was off chasing my dream after college and getting traded to team after team, they’d planted roots here. They started building their life together… and then it was blown to bits.
I thought back to what Nick had said the night after the very first time we went over to the Callahan’s… He said something about nothing in life being guaranteed… and I thought for the millionth time in the past week that he’d somehow known. He must’ve. He embraced the mantra that life was short from such a young age that I grew desensitized towards it… but he really had always given that as his reasoning behind all of his motives…
