“No!” Sav laughed in the background. “We just need your promise of secrecy!”
It was my turn to laugh. “You need some insurances on that?” I joked. I wondered if she remembered saying that through my truck window at us the first time we met.
Their loud cackles told me they both remembered, and I caught myself cheesing hard over the sound of their laughter.
“Damn. I miss you guys so bad,” I told themtruthfully.
“Aww, Griffy boy! Come to a game soon, bud! You can stay here with us,” Nicksaid.
I mentally ran through my schedule and knew that wouldn’t be possible unless I skipped one of my own games… and if I did that, I’d jeopardize my scholarship.
“Yeah, I’ll definitely look into it,” I told them vaguely. There was no point in telling the truth and bumming them out.
I heard the phone switch off speakerphone, and then Nick’s voice was alone on the call.
“Well, we just wanted to let you in on the secret… And I wanted to ask you to be my best man. What do ya say, Benny?”
I chuckled at that. “You know it. Miss ya, roomie.”
“Don’t miss me! Come see me. Soon! That’s an order!” he yelled.
“Yes! Come see us!” I heard Sav add in the background.
“I’ll try,” I said, trying my best to sound earnest. “Have a good night, ya newlyweds.”
“Thanks, man,” Nick said before disconnecting the call.
I laid back in my bed and folded my arms behind my head.
As lame as it sounded, hearing their voices filled a void I’d been feeling lately. When Sav called me up the other day asking for advice on beating loneliness on campus, I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I felt isolated here too. It was crazy to think that we always felt the same way. She said she didn’t think anyone would bat an eye if she dropped dead in the middle of class… and I thought that way all last year. I assured her that I was still here for her and our lil fam would stick together for life, and I think that helped her feel a lil better. After we got off the phone, I texted her a couple photos from summer of the four of us goofing around. Thinking of our fam and texting her or Duke or Nick always improved mymood.
I think after living so close with such great best friends and never having to worry about who had your back, it was hard to make any new relationships… It felt like I couldn’t fully know anyone else the way I knew them. It’s like I’d have to play catch up to figure out who they were and what made them tick… and risk getting burned. That didn’t sound fun to me.
I was kinda jealous they had each other out there in Michigan now…
I pulled my laptop out of my backpack and started researching schools in Michigan then… But after a few clicks, I knew it was pointless. I had a good thing going here. I couldn’t piss it away. I had to try and appreciate it for what it was: a way to get an education and play some high-caliber hockey.
My dad would surely call me a girl for feeling the way I was… I tried to push him out of my thoughts like I always did…
Maybe feeling loneliness wasn’t such a horrible thing though. Maybe it made you appreciate the times when you weren’t lonely just a little bitmore.
I knew Savannah understood that too.
28. Sav - January
By the end of the semester, I officially dropped out of college.
I secured a job as a choreographer at the Detroit Skate Club, and it was going really well… and, my favorite part of the job: I was responsible for organizing the rink’s ice show in May. I talked Nick’s ear off about it. I wondered if he got sick of it sometimes, but he’d smile and tell me to continue because he liked hearing how passionate I was about it.
The other upside to dropping out: I could go on more away trips withNick.
That’s how I was able to go to the next Minnesota road game with him, and then hightail it to catch the end of Griff’s college game after that.
Nick had to get on a plane as soon as the game was over, as was tradition for NHL away games. He’d be flying to Colorado for his next game and staying at a fancy hotel. I was planning on seeing what Griff’s college life was like here at Minnesota-Duluth.
I waited for Griff outside the doors of the college rink, hugging myself and trying to brace the cold… Looking around at the groups of college kids and families all waiting, I wondered if he ever had anyone to hug after his games… I was happy I could at least be here for him for the night, and I made a mental note to ask my dad to take Duke to a game. They’d have a fun time, and it’d be good for Duke to see anyway… and my dad really did get along well with Griff. Over the holidays– both Nick and Griff came to our house– they talked forever about ligaments and mobility and a bunch of other physical therapy things.
Griff was one of the first guys out. He walked out with his hockey bag slung over his suit jacket clad shoulder and gave me a big gap-toothed smile. He never wore his fake tooth during a game because he thought he looked tougher withoutit.
