By the time I ran into her room, her contractions were super close together and she was almost fully dilated. I thanked God I hadn’t missed it.
“I can’t believe Nick did this to me!” Her lip quivered and I knew I had to say something to stop the incoming tears.
She looked to the nurse desperately.
“You’re really sure I can’t have the drugs?” Savannah asked her.
The nurse eyed me nervously with a cringe on her face… So, I guess that was a no. Sav planned on having an epidural, but it looked like we were going without because it was too late. I felt partially responsible for that… If only the stupid game wasn’t today…
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” I tried to say soothingly as I held her small hand. “You’re strong. You don’t need drugs. You’ve got this, Savannah.”
She cried out and squeezed my hand so hard it felt like she was breaking the bones.Good thing the season was over, I couldn’t help but think.
She gave me a panicked look after the contraction passed. “I’m dying. I’m serious, Griff. If I die, you better take care of this baby. Say you will. Right now!” she demanded with an intimidating scowl on her face.
Yeesh, how did she go from almost tears to looking like she’d rip my head off if I didn’t answer her. I racked my brain to think of a good joke.
“Wow,” I chuckled. “It is just like Nick to leave and make me do his dirty work, eh?” I tried.
“Dirty work?!” her mouth dropped open, but her eyes screwed shut a second later. “Oh no, no, noooo!” she yelled out against the pain again.
I brushed her hair back and held her forehead, feeling completely helpless.
“Yes, dirty work, because I might pass out from the blood. You know this,” I tried to joke again.
“If you pass out, I willfucking kill you, Benjamin Griffiths!” she seethed.
“Breeeathe, baby. I’m only kidding. That’s why I’m staying right here by your head. No blood up here!”
Her lip quivered again. “You’re turningwhite.”
“No, I’m not,” I lied. “I love you so much and you can do this. I read all about it. You said I know things, well, Iknowyou can do this, Sav.”
She closed her eyes tightly and nodded, making me feel a little better that I was able to help her in even a tiny way.
“The next contraction, she needs to push,” the doctor directed. “If she doesn’t, we need to go to an emergency c-section.”
Fuckin A. I just got her mind off it, now she looked at me with a freaked-out face again.
“You got this baby. It’ll all be over if you push this time. Just one more time. I promise it’ll be okay.”
She let out an anguished scream then and squeezed my hand even tighter…
A couple seconds later, a little baby’s scream pierced the room…
_____
I counted his ten little fingers and toes over and over again.
When the nurse asked, “Does Daddy want to hold him?” I kinda sputtered and tried to correct her that I wasn’t the dad, but Savannah just said yes for me… and I did want to hold him.
I was floored by how tiny and perfect he was, and I held him tightly in the crook of my arm while slowly rocking back and forth… His teeny eyes eventually closed like he was enjoying it.
“He’s the newest Smol,” I said as I tried to swallow a painful lump in my throat. When I looked up at Sav she was smiling with tears in her eyes.
I vowed right then to always be there for him, no matter what… And maybe, I’d even get to ask him about math tests one day…
“What’s his name?” I asked Sav.
