And that meant…
He had to be telling the truth the other night, or else he never would’ve skipped such an important game…
I lazily scratched my nails through his hair, continuing trying to calm him. I realized how much more at ease I felt just with his presence here… Didn’t that mean something? Wasn’t that a sign that my heart was safe with him? Maybe if I stopped stopping myself from feeling for him, then…
It was true that I always did love him, but more in a best friend way, not in a crush way… Then again, lately the thought of him being with any other woman made me want to claw her eyes out… Which maybe wasn’t a feeling I could completely blame on pregnancy hormones…
And maybe I’d been wrong about love in the first place anyway…
When I was young, I craved a love that was fast and passionate and exciting. That’s why I wanted Nick so badly, and I didn’t regret that. What I had with Nick was young and wild and free, like fire. It was all encompassing. I kind of lost myself in him actually. But I didn’t mind because I just loved him so damn much. The only thing in life Iwantedwas to love him…
But… maybe I needed someone like Griff now.
Griff was like the tide back at Timberland Lake. Calm and steady. Our lives weren’t so completely dependent on each other, but didn’t today show that he would always come back to me? That he would always choose me? I knew that I would always choose him. Maybe this kind of calm and stable love was the type that could last and not cause you to lose yourself…
And maybe I’d just been reading him wrong. I’d never experienced any other love besides Nick- who was all words of affirmation and all touch to show his emotions for me… Where Griff was different….
… And that’s when it finallyclicked.
He said he loved me a couple days ago and I thought it was out of nowhere… but that wasn’t some new thing…
Maybe all these years… he really had been trying to show me he loved me.
I touched my mouth in shock, realizing the truth of it.
The drivinglessons.
The sky blue soakers.
The ankle rehabexercises.
Being a best friend to Duke after I left town.
Cleaning my apartment.
Gifting meBeau.
Researching sleeping positions for me…
Griff had been showing his love for me in small ways ever since we were seventeen…
All of his actions were like little love letters.
My mind jumped to the next conclusion… and my heart hurt forhim…
I replayed his words from months ago… At the time I thought he was surely talking about someone else… maybe someone from college… He said he watched the person he loved fall in love withsomeoneelse…
“Oh my God,” I whispered.
He lifted his head and his intense blue eyes trailed over me, making sure I was alright.
“What? Youokay?”
I stared at him and held his scruffy face.
“It was me?” My voice felt shaky to my own ears. I looked at him in shock with my mouth hanging open… “Griff. Watching someone you loved fall in love with someone else.” I felt my voice crack. “You were talking aboutme?”
He just gave a small sad smile. “Took you long enough…”
