I tried to push my feelings aside as the boys walked back over to me.
I hugged them both fiercely and told them how proud I was of them.
54. Griff
Duke quickly ditched us to hit up some downtown bars, but my body was beat after that game, and I craved watching a random movie and relaxing at home with Sav.
The only problem was that she seemed a little off ever since we rejoined her after signing some autographs. I wondered if that upset hersomehow?
She was holding her stomach as we walked back to her place. Her belly had started to pop out a lot lately, making her look even more beautiful and motherly in my eyes. I fought the urge to reach and hold her hand as we walked… I imagined it would feel so natural, so right.
“You feeling okay?” I asked her when we reached her doorstep.
“Yeah…” she unlocked her door and pushed it open. “Just trying to get used to it… That it’s just the two of us isall.”
“Me and you?” I laughed. “Yeah, Duke’s a young buck. Something tells me he’ll be living it up bachelor style for a while though.”
“No…” She shot me a strange look. “Just me and baby here…” She swallowed like she was forcing out what she was saying. “You should be out celebrating and meeting someone.” I could see her face break slightly, but she quickly looked away from me. “Those girls looked like they liked you,” she mumbled.
I felt taken aback by that, but I entered the house after her anyway.
“That’s… not what I’m looking for.” I struggled to find the right words to say.
“You have a chance to meet someone great,” she pushed. “But you’re wasting all your time here with me and you shouldn’t be.”
“Wasting time? Why would you think that? I’m kind of confused here. You seem like you’re in a bad mood. Do you want some alone time?” I asked.
“Yeah, I should start getting used to it. I’ll be alone forever now,” she muttered.
I felt my eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. “What?”
“Nick left me alone, Griff,” she cried out desperately like it was obvious. “I’m lonely, okay?”
And that felt like a slap to the face. Because what was I doing standing here?
Why didn’t she ever see me?
“Yes, Savannah. Yes, it hurts to be alone. But it hurts to bewithsomeone too. Sometimes fighting to be loved is just as lonely.I’m lonely too.”
55. Sav
He spoke those words like they hurt him to say… and I was so confused by them. I replayed the sentences in my head.
“How do you not get it?” he asked like he was extremely disappointed.
I shot him a look that asked what the hell?
“Maybe I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you,” he said with his eyes screwed shut tight, like he was afraid of seeing my reaction. “Maybe because you were my first love, and without you, I’m numb to everyone else. The problem, I’m realizing, is that you’re already numb, and I’m sitting here trying my damndest to loveyou.”
It felt like all the air was sucked out of the room, and I was left there struggling.
“That’s not true, Griff,” I sputtered. “You’re just confused because we’ve been together and things are getting all blurred. You don’t actually love me… You just love the idea of all this. We’re like playing family…” I felt my voice edging on hysteria. “It’s notmeyou love.” I searched his eyes for thetruth…
He took a step back away from me and sucked in his bottom lip.
“You are so smart, Savannah.” He shook his head and breathed out before narrowing his blue eyes back on me. “So smart. But that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.”
He turned on his heel and walked out the door, slamming it hard behindhim.
