I scrambled to my feet then. I did not want to go out on some kinda stretcher at an away game when it really didn’t call for it and end up being labeled a dramatic pussy.
But getting up that fast did me no favors, and I immediately felt myself tipping to the side.
“Ayyy,” I heard Duke say. He supported my right side, and I couldn’t even argue about it because my head hurt to think.
I noticed him leading me toward the door back to the locker rooms instead of the team box, and I tried to argue, but he cut meoff.
“Nope. Just go, Teej. This also happens to the best of us. South Carolina is just not your place. It’s not Coach’s either,” he said with a chuckle. “New Jersey is not mine. You’ll see when we get there.”
How could he be joking about something likethis?
“Duke… oh fuuuuck,” The hallway we were moving toward was starting to spin.
I thought of Ellie’s question about the last time I’d thrownup…
Because I’d have to update my answer now.
52. Ellie
I sat at work on Saturday morning totally slumped. This week we’d had a Thursday rehearsal dinner and Friday night wedding, so today was pretty boring and bleak. I looked from my computer to my phone for the hundredth time, fighting the temptation to callTJ.
I wasn’t able to watch his game in real time on Thursday night because of the rehearsal, and I was happy for that now.
Had I been watching, it probably would’ve broken down the barrier I’d built between him and I, because I definitely would have lit up his phone trying to find out if he was alright.
But watching the recap highlights of his game weren’t as bad when I already knew that he was pretty much fine thanks to a statement his team put out early this morning saying he sustained a concussion from the hit during the game and that he wouldn’t be playing in the rest of the weekend’s road games.
Watching the hit, it looked like his body was slammed from the side and then flung up in the air about five feet by a guy who was about twice his size. He landed flat on the ice with a thud and lay there for a beat or two until Griff skated over to check on him.
Seeing him skated off the ice with Duke supporting him haunted me. The look on his face was totally unfocused, like he had no clue what was even going on, and it was scary to see my charming, quick-witted guy so unsure ofhimself.
Nope, don’t go there, Ellie, I reprimanded myself. He was not “my” guy, and he never truly had been. It’s not like he ever even asked me to be his girlfriend. We played relationship for a couple of weeks, that was it.
We were just an “almost.”
So why did it hurt so bad?
Why did it feel like we just had a full-on breakup?
And just because he wasn’t my boyfriend didn’t stop me from worrying about him.
And it didn’t stop me from thinking that if the stupid banquet hadn’t happened, and if he would’ve minded his own freaking business, I would’ve been there taking care of him rightnow.
Instead, we were both alone.
After logging a couple more hours at the hotel, but not really getting anything done, I packed up my stuff and decided to call it a day.
I drove the way home preoccupied with thoughts of TJ and the look on his face when I turned to him after seeing my name.
He really thought I would be happy? Why would I be happy? He completely exposed me, making it easy for anyone to track me down. Why wouldn’t he have talked to me first?
It was a vicious cycle of questions that swirled in my head for the past week that I knew I needed to move onfrom.
I quickly let myself into my apartment, only thinking about how comfortable I needed to be right then. Wearing tights and a skirt all day could be way too much sometimes and I dreamed of my sweatpants, comfy t-shirt, and slippers. I had misplaced hope this morning when I got dressed and did my hair, thinking it would help me feel better. It turned out to be just another lame attempt that did not work.
It wasn’t until I entered my walk-in closet and quickly started ripping off my dressier clothes that I heardit.
I listened for it again and was right.
