And her name was ChelseaHamilton.
I reread the name about a thousand times, each time feeling like I was taking a stab to the heart.
I flipped to the index to find her name and locate all the other pictures of her, and they honestly hurt to lookat.
Because that girl, the younger version of the woman I was falling in love with, did not look like someone who was constantly battling fear and anxiety.
Chelsea was pictured a bazillion times through the colorful pages, and each time she looked happy and carefree. She cheesed hard with her arms around a couple other girls for a powderpuff football game… she was decked out in the school colors, donning a funny face during spirit week… she stood on the sidelines of the Homecoming parade, wearing a press pass and holding a camera with a bright smile on her face… It looked like she participated in everything, which seemed completely out of character for the girl I now knew.
I turned to the figure skating team’s page and saw a picture of her on the podium with a gold medal around her neck… so competition hadn’t always scared her…
Chelsea was listed as the secretary of the National Honor Society and the Yearbook Design Editor. She had the makings of a professional organizer, that was for sure.
Looking at her in these pages with the blonde hair and bubbly smile confused the hell out of me. Because what happened that made her want to ditch her name and this seemingly bright past?
I found in a Q and A section with seniors that she planned on attending and skating for Michigan State… but she never mentioned anything about college to me. You’d think someone who made it onto a school’s team like that would brag about it… Ellie never came off as a bragger, but still… not even a casual flex about it seemed strange.
Was this what she was talking about when she said she had “baggage” the other night? It wasn’t that I was mad at her for not telling me more about her past; she had basically warned me, hadn’t she? But I couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt that she didn’t feel the need to confide in me that she changed her name.
I’d been whispering “Ellie,” to her, but did she really want “Chelsea”?
My phone rang then, interrupting mythoughts.
I looked over and saw the name Ellie pop up.Well, that’s a lie, I couldn’t help but think.
I hesitated before hitting the answer. I thought about bringing up what I found to her because it felt odd to know this information and not come clean about it.
What would she say if I answered, “Hello, Chelsea”?
But this felt like an in-person conversation. This felt like something to be brought up when I could reassure her.
“Hi, babe,” Ianswered.
She was silent on the other end, and I racked my brain to think of anything dumb I could have possibly said to her. There had to be a reason for the random whole day freeze out, right?
I cleared my voice, wondering if maybe she hadn’t heard me. “Babe?” Iasked.
I heard her blow out a sigh on the other end of theline.
“Ell-”
Her words came out in a rush then. “Why would you make me fall for you, and why would you say all those things to me about being here to stay if you were just going to go out with some puck bunnies as soon as Ileft?”
She said it all so quickly and accusingly that my brain had to take a beat to process everything she had fit into that single sentence.
“Puck bunnies?” I asked, almost laughing because she could not be serious. I definitely had not been with any othergirls.
“Yes, TJ. Did you think I wouldn’t look at social media or something?” she asked tersely.
I paused, thinking of anything Iposted…
And then I started laughing.
I fell over on my couch and grabbed my stomach because it was hurting from the ab workout the laughing was causing. And she was going off on the other end of the phone saying I should “Stop laughing right this veryminute!”
I probably should have been mad at her for jumping to such conclusions, but it was damn funny… because she just called my sisters “puck bunnies”- something they would definitely be pissed about if they ever found out.
Knowing she was clearly angry at me had weighed me down all day, now I felt a relieved lightness.
